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In some countries, people are no longer allowed to smoke in many public places and office buildings. Do you think this is a good rule or a bad rule? v.4

In some countries, people are no longer allowed to smoke in many public places and office buildings. Do you think this is a good rule or a bad rule? v. 4
There is no scope for any doubt that "Smoking is injurious to health ". Taking this fact into consideration, many countries have taken actions of strictly prohibiting smoking in public places. I strongly feel that this is a good move to reduce smoking and keeping the environment safe, even though many smokers are strongly against this move. First of all, smoking not only affects the health condition of the smokers but also of the nonsmokers by a process called passive smoking. In fact, it is a scientifically proven fact that passive smokers get more health hazards compared to the smokers. Various diseases like asthma, lung cancer, pneumonia, heart and valve ailments are found common among such individuals. This is why, to improve the public health and to prevent dangerous diseases, banning smoking in public places and in office buildings is an effective move. Secondly, smoking in public places like schools, parks, shopping complexes, beaches, offices etc. tend to develop a strong desire among young generation to inculcate this habit. To nurture a healthy young generation, we should support the idea that public smoking should be banned. Finally, by discouraging smoking in outdoor areas, the smokers can be gradually forced to quit their habit or can reduce the number of cigarettes being smoked. Considering this I feel that banning public smoking is a good rule and all countries should adopt this policy. In conclusion, I strongly recommend that all countries should put forward this rule for the health and well-being of their public. Even the smoking zones that are already placed in some of the public places should also be banned completely.
There is no scope for any doubt that
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Smoking is injurious to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
. Taking this fact into consideration,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries have taken actions of
strictly
prohibiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. I
strongly
feel that this is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
and keeping the environment safe,
even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
smokers are
strongly
against this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affects the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
condition of the smokers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
of the nonsmokers by a process called passive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
. In fact, it is a
scientifically
proven fact that passive smokers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
hazards compared to the smokers. Various diseases like asthma, lung cancer, pneumonia, heart and valve ailments
are found
common among such individuals. This is why, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
diseases, banning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
and in office buildings is an effective
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
like schools, parks, shopping complexes, beaches, offices etc. tend to develop a strong desire among young generation to inculcate this habit. To nurture a healthy young generation, we should support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
should
be banned
.

Finally
, by discouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in outdoor areas, the smokers can be
gradually
forced to quit their habit or can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of cigarettes
being smoked
. Considering this I feel that banning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
and all countries should adopt this policy.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
recommend that all countries should put forward this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and well-being of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
. Even the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
zones that are already placed in
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
should
also
be banned
completely.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, people are no longer allowed to smoke in many public places and office buildings. Do you think this is a good rule or a bad rule? v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
271 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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