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In some countries, people are no longer allowed to smoke in many public places and office buildings. Do you think this is a good rule or a bad rule? v.5

In some countries, people are no longer allowed to smoke in many public places and office buildings. Do you think this is a good rule or a bad rule? v. 5
The question about whether people should be allowed to smoke in public places is the one that is open for debate. All people can be divided into two groups- smokers and non-smokers. Smokers agree that they do not benefit the society by smoking, but think that they should have some special places in office buildings or public places where they can smoke. However, others believe that smokers should not be allowed to smoke in any places except their own apartments. Personally, I completely agree with the last opinion. For the following reasons, which I will mention bellow, I think that smokers should not contaminate the air other people breathe. The first reason for this is that smokers not only damage their own health but actually cause damage to the health of others. Scientists say that people who do not smoke but regularly breathe in the smoke of cigarettes, so-called "passive smokers", poison their health more than smokers themselves. For example, when I was a student I lived with the roommate who was a chain smoker. First I did not know what to do, I smelled that smoke everywhere and I could not breathe freely, but in a few weeks, I got used to it. Now I think that I was a real smoker because of the fact that I regularly breathed in so much smoke. Second of all, I think that people should not be allowed to smoke in public places and in office buildings because this rule will force them to quit. Smokers will have to quit smoking or at least will do it less often and this benefits all people smokers as well as not smokers. Finally, smoking in public places contributes to the growth of the number of smokers because many people seeing smokers may feel the desire to smoke and join them. The advertisement of cigarettes is already prohibited by the law and I think it is a good sign because many people become smokers only because they see other people do it. In conclusion, I think that this rule will benefit the society of every country and our world on the whole.
The question about whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
is the one
that is
open for debate. All
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
be divided
into two groups- smokers and non-smokers. Smokers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that they do not benefit the society by smoking,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that they should have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
in office buildings or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
where they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
.
However
, others believe that smokers should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
except their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
apartments.
Personally
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the last opinion. For the following reasons, which I will mention bellow, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that smokers should not contaminate the air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
breathe.

The
first
reason for this is that smokers not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
damage their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
actually cause damage to the health of others. Scientists say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
regularly
breathe in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
of cigarettes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
-called
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
passive smokers
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
, poison their health more than smokers themselves.
For example
, when I was a student I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
with the roommate who was a chain smoker.
First
I did not know what to do, I smelled that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
everywhere and I could not breathe
freely
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in a few weeks, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to it.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that I was a real smoker
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
because of the fact that
I
regularly
breathed in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much smoke.

Second of all, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
and in office buildings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
will force them to quit. Smokers will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
quit smoking or at least will do it less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
and this benefits all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
smokers
as well
as not smokers.

Finally
, smoking in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
contributes to the growth of the number of smokers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
seeing smokers may feel the desire to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
them. The
The usual collocation for "advertisement" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "advertisement for"?
advertisement of
cigarettes is already prohibited by the law and I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become smokers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do it.

In conclusion
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
will benefit the society of every country and our world
on the whole
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, people are no longer allowed to smoke in many public places and office buildings. Do you think this is a good rule or a bad rule? v. 5

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
357 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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