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Universities should allocate the same amount of money to students’ sports activities as they allocate to their libraries. Do you agree? v.7

Universities should allocate the same amount of money to students’ sports activities as they allocate to their libraries. Do you agree? v. 7
Educational institutes are paying attention to both academic and extra curriculum activities. Although libraries play an important role in student life, but sports being equally important. Therefore, I totally agree with the idea of investing equal funds to sports activities and libraries. To begin with, some students prefer sports over studies because they love to participate in different activities. Such students require motivation and proper guidance from a coach. Hence, the authority needs to allocate some funds to modify playgrounds, hire a good coach, buy new sports equipments and accessories. Moreover, there is a sports quota to enter different government jobs. For example, my friend is an athlete and she was selected in Border Security Force last month under sports quota. Furthermore, several sports competitions are held in universities and colleges which require a huge amount. Also, All institutions participate in such programs in order to win and be a champion. Nowadays universities focus on maintaining their global ranking and invest some money on their sports team and uniforms. Also, sport advancements could result in better health and proper physique. It is recommended that a sports centre should be opened and maintained in institutions for proper scheduling of activities and it require funding as well. At last, not everyone is born scholars so with a broad perspective, every university and colleges should pay attention to such students. To conclude, I personally believe both libraries and sports are equally important and require same funding as libraries improve education of scholars and sports enhance them physically.
Educational institutes are paying attention to both academic and extra curriculum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Although libraries play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in student life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
being
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
Therefore
, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of investing equal funds to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and libraries.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
students prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
over studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to participate in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Such students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
require
motivation and proper guidance from a coach.
Hence
, the authority needs to allocate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
funds to modify playgrounds, hire a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
coach,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
equipments and accessories.
Moreover
, there is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
quota to enter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
jobs.
For example
, my friend is an
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
athlete and
she
was selected
in Border Security Force last month under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
quota.

Furthermore
, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
competitions
are held
in universities and colleges which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
require
a huge amount.
Also
, All institutions participate in such programs in order to win and be a champion. Nowadays universities focus on maintaining their global ranking and invest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
team and uniforms.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
advancements could result in better health and proper physique. It
is recommended
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
should
be opened
and maintained in institutions for proper scheduling of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and it
Did you mean "requires"?
require
funding
as well
. At last, not everyone
is born
scholars
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
with a broad perspective, every university and colleges should pay attention to such students.

To conclude
, I
personally
believe both libraries and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
require
same funding as libraries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
education of scholars and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
enhance them
physically
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Universities should allocate the same amount of money to students’ sports activities as they allocate to their libraries. Do you agree? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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