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In the past, sporting champions used to be motivated primarily by the desire to win a match or to break world records. These days they are more likely to be motivated by prize money and the opportunity to be famous. What message does this send to young people and how does this attitude to sport affect the sports themselves? v.2

In the past, sporting champions used to be motivated primarily by the desire to win a match or to break world records. These days they are more likely to be motivated by prize money and the opportunity to be famous. What message does this send to young people and how does this attitude to sport affect the sports themselves? v. 2
GENERALLY, SPORTS ARE PLAYED TO WIN THE AWARD FOR A COUNTRY AND TO BREAK RECORD WORLDWIDELY. HOWEVER, THIS HAS CHANGED. NOWADAYS, PEOPLE PLAY ANY KIND OF GAME TO EARN BIG AMOUNT AND TO BE POPULAR. IN MY OPINION, THIS LEAVE A BIG MESSAGE FOR YOUNGSTERS THAT, IF THEY WANT TO HAVE A NAME AND FAME THEN IT IS A GOOD OPTION TO JOIN GAMES. HOWEVER, THIS HAS SOME NEGATIVE EFFECTS TOO THAT I WILL SHOW IN NEXT PARAGRAPHS. TO BEGIN WITH, EVERYBODY DO WORK FOR MONEY OR BE FAMOUS. SO, PLAYING GAMES IS THE BEST OPTION TO HAVE BOTH. SPORTS ARE PLAYED IN DIFFERENT COUNTRIES AS WELL AS IN NATIVE. PEOPLE PLAY THEM, BECAUSE THEY ARE HIGHLY PAID FOR THESE. FOR EXAMPLE, CRICKETER’S SALARIES RE BETWEEN 1 TO 2 MILLION FOR A SINGLE MATCH NO MATTER IF THEY WIN OR LOSE IT. THEY ARE ONLY PAID FOR PARTICIPATING AND PLAYING. THUS, THIS ENCOURAGE TO YOUNG PEOPLE TO TAKE PART IN ONLY OR BEING WELL PAID. HOWEVER, THIS TYPE OF MOTIVATION COULD AFFECT NEGATIVELY FOR THE SPORTS. EVERY YEAR, NEW MEMBER PARTICIPATE IN THEM. IN OTHER WORDS, AFTER PLAYING FIRST MATCH SPORTERS EARN HANSOME MONEY AND BECOME FAMOUS COULD LEAD TO LOSE SPORTMEN AND WOMEN. SO, NEW COMERS ENTER AND DO THE SAME. THEIR DESIRE FOR WINNING PRIZE AND DOING RECORDS WILL DIMINISH, IF THEY ALL WILL ENCOURAGED N THIS WAY. THEY WOULD CHANGE THEIR CAREER SUCH AS DHONY IS NOW AN ACTOR AND NOT CRICKETER. N CONCLUSION, SPORTS MEN AND WOMEN LEAVE THE MESSAGE TO NEW GENERATION THAT, IF THEY WOULD EARN NAME AND FAME THAN IT IS BETTER TO TAKE PART IN DIFFERENT GAMES. WHILE, THIS COULD LOSE PLAYERS FOR ANY SPORTS, IF THEY CONTINUE TO MOTIVE IN THIS WAY.
GENERALLY
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SPORTS
ARE PLAYED
TO WIN THE AWARD FOR A COUNTRY AND TO BREAK RECORD
Possible spelling mistake found.
WORLDWIDELY
.
HOWEVER
, THIS HAS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
CHANGED
. NOWADAYS,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
PLAY ANY KIND OF GAME TO EARN
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BIG
AMOUNT AND TO BE POPULAR. IN MY OPINION, THIS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
LEAVE
A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BIG
MESSAGE FOR YOUNGSTERS THAT, IF THEY WANT TO HAVE A NAME AND FAME THEN IT IS A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOOD
OPTION TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
JOIN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
GAMES
.
HOWEVER
, THIS HAS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
NEGATIVE
EFFECTS
Did you mean "to THAT"?
TOO THAT
I WILL
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
SHOW
IN
NEXT
PARAGRAPHS.

TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
BEGIN
WITH, EVERYBODY
The pronoun 'EVERYBODY' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "does", "did".
DO
WORK FOR MONEY OR BE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
FAMOUS
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
, PLAYING
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
GAMES
IS THE BEST OPTION TO HAVE BOTH.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SPORTS
ARE PLAYED
IN
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
DIFFERENT
COUNTRIES
AS WELL
AS IN NATIVE.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
PLAY THEM,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
THEY ARE
HIGHLY
PAID FOR THESE.
FOR EXAMPLE
, CRICKETER’S SALARIES RE
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "BETWEEN 1 and 2".
BETWEEN 1 TO 2
MILLION FOR A SINGLE MATCH NO MATTER IF THEY WIN OR LOSE IT. THEY ARE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ONLY
PAID FOR PARTICIPATING AND PLAYING.
THUS
,
The verb 'ENCOURAGE' is plural. Did you mean: "THIS encourages"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
THIS ENCOURAGE
TO YOUNG
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
TAKE PART
IN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ONLY
OR BEING WELL PAID.

HOWEVER
, THIS TYPE OF MOTIVATION COULD AFFECT
NEGATIVELY
FOR THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SPORTS
. EVERY YEAR, NEW MEMBER PARTICIPATE IN THEM.
IN OTHER WORDS
, AFTER PLAYING
FIRST
MATCH
Possible spelling mistake found.
SPORTERS
EARN
Possible spelling mistake found.
HANSOME
MONEY AND BECOME
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
FAMOUS
COULD LEAD TO LOSE
Possible spelling mistake found.
SPORTMEN
AND WOMEN.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
,
Did you mean "NEWcOMERS"?
NEW COMERS
ENTER AND DO THE SAME. THEIR DESIRE FOR WINNING PRIZE AND DOING RECORDS WILL DIMINISH, IF THEY ALL WILL
The verb 'WILL' requires the base form of the verb: "encourage"
ENCOURAGED
N THIS WAY. THEY WOULD
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
CHANGE
THEIR CAREER SUCH AS
Possible spelling mistake found.
DHONY
IS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
NOW
AN ACTOR AND NOT CRICKETER.

N CONCLUSION,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SPORTS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
MEN
AND WOMEN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
LEAVE
THE MESSAGE TO NEW GENERATION THAT, IF THEY WOULD EARN NAME AND FAME THAN IT IS BETTER TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
TAKE PART
IN
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
DIFFERENT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
GAMES
. WHILE, THIS COULD LOSE PLAYERS FOR ANY
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SPORTS
, IF THEY CONTINUE TO MOTIVE IN THIS WAY.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In the past, sporting champions used to be motivated primarily by the desire to win a match or to break world records. These days they are more likely to be motivated by prize money and the opportunity to be famous. What message does this send to young people and how does this attitude to sport affect the sports themselves? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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