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Universities should allocate the same amount of money to students’ sports activities as they allocate to their libraries. Do you agree? v.1

Universities should allocate the same amount of money to students’ sports activities as they allocate to their libraries. Do you agree? v. 1
Playing sports is immensely important for human being. It is argued by many that colleges should grant equal amount of funds for both pupils sports activities and libraries. I firmly agree with this statement that sports facilities should be provided in equally manner. To commence with, educational institutions should allocate equal amount of cash due to several reasons. Firstly, sports are valuable method to stay fit and healthy, and when students play games they remain active both physically and mentally. If institute provides more playgrounds and facilities such as tennis court and swimming pool, it will be better for students. when they play games with their peers in playground then it will not only boost their confidence but also skills, which are important to learn in this young age. Therefore, college should spend money to enhance sports amenities. Furthermore, not only students can take advantage to play games but also community and nation also get players, who play for the state and country. If they get better facilities then many pupils can choose sports as their career. In student life they have chance to play in district team and after that they can show their skills to state and national level. In India, for instance, many renowned players who play games for country have played for college matches, and they learnt game in colleges ground. Hence, providing better sports facilities while studying are valuable for both students and country. To conclude, however, spending money on libraries are necessary for students but providing better facilities are also immense responsibility of universities.
Playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is
immensely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for human being. It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that colleges should grant equal amount of funds for both pupils
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities and libraries. I
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities should
be provided
in
equally
manner.

To commence with, educational institutions should allocate equal amount of cash due to several reasons.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are valuable method to stay fit and healthy, and when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
they remain active both
physically
and mentally. If institute provides more playgrounds and facilities such as tennis court and swimming pool, it will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
when
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
with their peers in playground then it will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
boost their confidence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to learn in this young age.
Therefore
, college should spend money to enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
amenities.

Furthermore
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can take advantage to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
community and nation
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
players, who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
for the state and country. If they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Did you mean "better facilities than"?
better facilities then
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pupils can choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as their career. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
life they have chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
in district team and after that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to state and national level. In India,
for instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
renowned players who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
for country have played for college matches, and they
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
game in colleges ground.
Hence
, providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities while studying are valuable for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and country.

To conclude
,
however
, spending money on libraries are necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
facilities are
also
immense responsibility of universities.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Universities should allocate the same amount of money to students’ sports activities as they allocate to their libraries. Do you agree? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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