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Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.17

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. v. 17
There is no doubt that whether a product can gain an extraordinary amount of profit to the manufacturers is highly reliant on widespread advertising. Some people hold a belief that consumers actually purchase unnecessary goods which could be a waste. In my opinion, I somehow agree that people sometimes make an irrelevant purchase, but the public also benefits of advertising. Firstly, ubiquitous advertising can make a massive impact on people who receive the information. According to psychological research, consumers are easily influenced by frequent external stimulation and eventually believe in what they see. If a person watches the same or similar advertising frequently, he will be more likely to spend money on the product without considering he needs or not. An obvious example, could be the smartphone. In general, when the latest iPhones are released, many people will queue for the most up-to date devices rather than keep using the old one, which is still working perfectly. However, undoubtedly, the quality of products is enhanced as a result of salesmen want to increase the volume of sales. The main reason why we are bombarded by advertising messages is because of their selling strategies. In order to survive in this competitive society, they have a tendency to produce a product that appears to be convenient for humans’ lives. A new car, for example, may have greatly improved safety features, or it may be more economical to run. Producers can use advertising as a medium to introduce their new design. It also conforms buyers’ needs when they are thinking about eliminating old cars. In conclusion, while I believe that people nowadays purchase something they do not really need occasionally because of advertising, I am also convinced that it offers us products with better quality.
There is no doubt that whether a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
can gain an extraordinary amount of profit to the manufacturers is
highly
reliant on widespread advertising.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold a belief that consumers actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
unnecessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
which could be a waste. In my opinion, I somehow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an irrelevant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the public
also
benefits of advertising.

Firstly
, ubiquitous advertising can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a massive impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who receive the information. According to psychological research, consumers are
easily
influenced by frequent external stimulation and
eventually
believe in what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
. If a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watches
the same or similar advertising
frequently
, he will be more likely to spend money on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
without considering he needs or not. An obvious example, could be the smartphone.
In general
, when the latest iPhones
are released
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will queue for the most up-to date devices
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
using the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
one, which is
still
working
perfectly
.

However
,
undoubtedly
, the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
is enhanced
as a result
of salesmen want to increase the volume of sales. The main reason why we
are bombarded
by advertising messages is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their selling strategies. In order to survive in this competitive society, they have a tendency to produce a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
that appears to be convenient for humans’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. A new car,
for example
, may have
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
safety features, or it may be more economical to run. Producers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
advertising as a medium to introduce their new design. It
also
conforms buyers’ needs when they are thinking about eliminating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
cars.

In conclusion
, while I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
something they do not
really
need
occasionally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of advertising, I am
also
convinced that it offers us
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
with better quality.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. v. 17

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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