Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport, while other people think that mental strength is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.11

Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport, while other people think that mental strength is more important. v. 11
It is often argued that physical fitness plays an essential role in sportsmen`s achievement, while others believe that mental power has more benefits. In my opinion, I believe that the combination of both produces the best athletes around the globe. First of all, it is widely recognized that physical strength demonstrates only positive effects on sports players. This is because, through their physical potentials, they can maintain their careers for a long time as well as gain better postures to be more attractive to the surroundings. Taking Lin Dan as an example, he is one of the oldest and fastest badminton players, who has still achieved victorious tournaments even though he has already been over 35. Thus, it is clear why physical capacity is important for the success of athletes. However, mental fitness is also beneficial to a sports player`s mental state as well as their team as a whole. This is due to the reason that playing sports games require strong nerves and willpower to build their endurance. For instance, Cristiano Ronaldo has been arguably one of the brilliant soccer players due to his incredible source of inner aspiration and motivation. Therefore, it is precise that why the mental ability should be considered as a magnificent part of gaining victory in sport. In conclusion, both physical and mental strengths can be major keys to the success of sportsmen. In my point of view, sports players who have only physical skill can not become successful unless they do not develop their mental power.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
fitness plays an essential role in
The character between 'sportsmen' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "sportsmen’s" (curly apostrophe) or "sportsmen's" (straight apostrophe).
sportsmen`s
achievement, while others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
power has more benefits. In my opinion, I believe that the combination of both produces the best athletes around the globe.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is
widely
recognized that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
strength demonstrates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, through their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
potentials, they can maintain their careers for a long time
as well
as gain better postures to be more attractive to the surroundings. Taking Lin Dan as an example, he is one of the oldest and fastest badminton
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
, who has
still
achieved victorious tournaments
even though
he has already been over 35.
Thus
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
capacity is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the success of athletes.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
fitness is
also
beneficial to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
The character between 'player' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "player’s" (curly apostrophe) or "player's" (straight apostrophe).
player`s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
state
as well
as their team as a whole. This is due to the reason that playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
games require strong nerves and willpower to build their endurance.
For instance
, Cristiano Ronaldo has been
arguably
one of the brilliant soccer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
due to his incredible source of inner aspiration and motivation.
Therefore
, it is precise that why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
ability should
be considered
as a magnificent part of gaining victory in sport.

In conclusion
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
strengths can be major keys to the success of sportsmen. In my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
who have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
can not become successful unless they do not develop their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
power.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport, while other people think that mental strength is more important. v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts