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3. Universities should allocate the same amount of money to students’ sports activities as they allocate to their libraries. Do you agree? v.1

3. Universities should allocate the same amount of money to students’ sports activities as they allocate to their libraries. Do you agree? v. 1
In the contemporary era, education in universities not only pay an attention to academic education, but also guide students to stay healthy via advocating sports activities among them. Therefore, some people support that the same amount of financial budget as that allocated to libraries should be reserved for sport activities. I personally disagree with this view because that libraries play a more important role in students' education in universities. To begin with, the purpose of be enrolling in universities is to obtain knowledge for students. Libraries are places for students to study and also keep universities with excellent resources in the world. Therefore, it is necessary to provide enough funding for libraries to function properly so that students will be provided most up-to-date researches or information in a relevant study field. For example, libraries in medical schools provide not only quiet studying environment for medical students, but also up-to-date research or medical data for students to keep them well-informed. Without the support of libraries, medical staffs and students will be unable to keep up with the constantly updating medical industry. In addition, facilities relevant to sport activities in universities will help students to keep fit; however, as compared with the function of libraries in nurturing students' capacities, the function of sport activities is less important,  except in the universities which are specialized in nurturing athletes. Without fancy gyms, students remain enjoying sport activities in their campus. The quality of university education won't be affected or diminished with less fancy sport equipments. However, if libraries lack financial budgets, to update data for staff and students' study or researches will be affected. As a result, the quality of university education will be diminished and the reputation of the university might be tarnished as well. All in all, proper financial budget for libraries plays a crucial role in maintaining the quality and quantity of education in universities and the amount of funding to libraries should be secured annually. The funds to sport activities is important, but not as much crucial as that for libraries due to that sport activities are not the major purpose for university students.
In the contemporary era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
pay an attention to academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
guide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to stay healthy via advocating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
among them.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
support that the same amount of financial budget as that allocated to libraries should
be reserved
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. I
personally
disagree with this view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that libraries play a more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in students'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in universities.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the purpose of be enrolling in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
is to obtain knowledge for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Libraries are places for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to study and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
with excellent resources in the world.
Therefore
, it is necessary to provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
funding for libraries to function
properly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
be provided
most up-to-date researches or information in a relevant study field.
For example
, libraries in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
schools provide not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
quiet studying environment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
up-to-date research or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
data for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
them well-informed. Without the support of libraries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
staffs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will be unable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
up with the
constantly
updating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
industry.

In addition
, facilities relevant to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
fit;
however
, as compared with the function of libraries in nurturing students' capacities, the function of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
is less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
except in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
which
are specialized
in nurturing athletes. Without fancy gyms,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
remain enjoying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in their campus. The quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
won't be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
or diminished with less fancy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
equipments.
However
, if libraries lack financial budgets, to update data for staff and students' study or researches will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
.
As a result
, the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
will
be diminished
 and the reputation of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
might 
be tarnished
as well
.

All in all, proper financial budget for libraries plays a crucial role in maintaining the quality and quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
and the amount of funding to libraries should
be secured
annually
. The funds to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not as much crucial as that for libraries due to that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are not the major purpose for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
50Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay 3. Universities should allocate the same amount of money to students’ sports activities as they allocate to their libraries. Do you agree? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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