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Universities should allocate the same amount of money to students’ sports activities as they allocate to their libraries. Do you agree? v.3

Universities should allocate the same amount of money to students’ sports activities as they allocate to their libraries. Do you agree? v. 3
It is often argued that books are irreplaceable with television as a learning tool and that children are less well-educated today. I strongly disagree with this statement because nowadays, children are more well-educated due to the introduction of televisions Firstly, television does not make children less well educated as the literacy rate has increased in the past few years due to the introduction of televisions. It is believed that children pay more attention to the things on television than in class due to the creative ideas created by televisions. Besides, children tend to pay more attention and learn things at a faster rate through televisions. For instance, it is proven that children who study via an educational programme on television usually perform better than those who attend tuition. Thus, it is safe to say that television does have a great impact on the literacy rate Secondly, children are more passionate to learn new things in school nowadays due to the influence on televisions. In my opinion, children take more initiative in learning and it has reduced parents’ hassle on urging them to study. For example, statistics have shown that schools which introduce videos during class perform better than others. This show that more children are eager to learn due to their passion and the influence on children. In conclusion, I strongly believe that televisions can replace books as a learning tool as children are more passionate about learning and literacy rate has increased
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that books are irreplaceable with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
tool and that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are less well-educated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. I
strongly
disagree with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more well-educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the introduction of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
televisions


Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
less
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
as the literacy rate has increased in the past few years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the introduction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
. It
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
pay more attention to the things on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
than in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
created by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tend to pay more attention and learn things at a faster rate through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
.
For instance
, it
is proven
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who study via an educational
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
usually
perform better than those who attend tuition.
Thus
, it is safe to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
does have a great impact on the literacy rate

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more passionate to learn new things in school nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
take more initiative in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
and it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
parents’ hassle on urging them to study.
For example
, statistics have shown that schools which introduce videos during
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
perform better than others. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are eager to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to their passion and the influence on children.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
can replace books as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
tool as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more passionate about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
and literacy rate has increased
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Universities should allocate the same amount of money to students’ sports activities as they allocate to their libraries. Do you agree? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
242 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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