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Some people say international sports events help in world peace. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people say international sports events help in world peace. v. 1
It is believed by some people that international sports events as the Olympic the World Cup play a significant role to bring different nations together. I completely agree with the idea that such events might slightly contribute to world peace and stability. In my opinion if we play with a right spirit, international sporting events have several advantages for society. First and foremost, such events could instill the spirit of nationalism into each citizen. To be more specific, both spectators and players get emotionally stirred because they are proud of their country, which helps to enhance the relationship between the nation and it residents. For example, whenever the Vietnamese national football team wins a match, everyone usually flood the street to celebrate and express their patriotic feelings. Moreover, these events can easily create opportunities for players who come from different cultures, background and ethnicities to get to know more about each other. As a result, they can learn how to embrace the diversity and deliver the message of unity in social equality. Secondly, international sports may help to ease tension between warring countries as sports often serves as a binding factor between them. Thanks to test matches and one day games, we can explore that the players each team of countries are quite friendly and amicable off the field, it spreads the feeling of brotherhood of mutual admiration. In addition, sports events will teach us how to respect each individual for virtues. For example, passion for a cricket is a popular trend which binds the neighboring countries India and Pakistan. Thus, international sports events bring us the beneficial of human spirit and humanity being more important than political issues or causing tensions each countries. In conclusion, I fully support the view that international sporting events have helped each countries on over the world to bind the spirit of union and ease tension between national conflict, helping in the peaceful globe.
It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
as the Olympic the World Cup play a significant role to bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations together. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
might
slightly
contribute to world peace and stability.

In my opinion if we play with a right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spirit
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
have several advantages for society.
First
and foremost, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
could instill the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spirit
of nationalism into each citizen. To be more specific, both spectators and players
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
emotionally
stirred
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are proud of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to enhance the relationship between the nation and
It seems that the possessive pronoun "its" fits better in this context. Please verify.
it
residents.
For example
, whenever the Vietnamese national football team wins a match, everyone
usually
flood the street to celebrate and express their patriotic feelings.
Moreover
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
can
easily
create opportunities for players who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures, background and ethnicities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know more about each other.
As a result
, they can learn how to embrace the diversity and deliver the message of unity in social equality.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
tension between warring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
serves as a binding factor between them. Thanks to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
matches and one day games, we can explore that the players each team of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "is"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'are' is not always incorrect.)
are
quite friendly and amicable off the field, it spreads the feeling of brotherhood of mutual admiration.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
will teach us how to respect each individual for virtues.
For example
, passion for a cricket is a popular trend which binds the neighboring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
India and Pakistan.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
bring us
The phrase 'the beneficial of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the beneficial of
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spirit
and humanity being more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than political issues or causing tensions each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "country"?
countries
.

In conclusion
, I
fully
support the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "country"?
countries
on over the world to bind the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spirit
of union and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
tension between national conflict, helping in the peaceful globe.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say international sports events help in world peace. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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