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Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good while others think there are disadvantages. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.4

Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good while others think there are disadvantages. 4
It is common to see players wearing the products from sponsorships during sports games, such as a football match. Supporters of this kind of advertising think that this is a positive approach for companies to promote their products, while I personally believe that doing so may affect a player's performance during the competition. Firstly, one of the positive benefits of sports teams is that they are able to obtain a number of free resources from sponsors and do not have to be distracted by financial worries. Simultaneously, when players wear the products from sponsorships, it can produce a lot of opportunities to expose their brand on social media platforms, in which the sales are much faster than traditional advertisements on TV. On the other hand, there can be drawbacks from advertisements which display products which are harmful to people’s health. For instance, once players get paid for the advertisement, they have to drink high sugar products in order to stimulate sales. This affects the number of players˙ fans following their behaviour which has an impact on obesity problems in the public. Even though advertising can support players to reduce their pressure on finance, I would say that no all of the products are suited for encouraging people to purchase. In conclusion, although advertising in sports supports players to do well, some products may cause health issues. However, in my opinion, people should take into account that player's invisible pressure from product sales can influence their performance. -246 words
It is common to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
wearing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
from sponsorships during sports games, such as a football match. Supporters of this kind of advertising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
approach for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to promote their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, while I
personally
believe that doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
may affect a player's performance during the competition.

Firstly
, one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
benefits of sports teams is that they are able to obtain a number of free resources from sponsors and do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be distracted
by financial worries.
Simultaneously
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
wear the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
from sponsorships, it can produce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
opportunities to expose their brand on social media platforms, in which the sales are much faster than traditional advertisements on TV.

On the other hand
, there can be drawbacks from advertisements which display
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which are harmful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s health.
For instance
, once
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
paid for the advertisement, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
drink high sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in order to stimulate sales. This affects the number of
Possible spelling mistake found.
players˙
fans following their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
which has an impact on obesity problems in the public.
Even though
advertising can support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their pressure on finance, I would say that no
Consider using "all the".
all of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are suited
for encouraging
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
.

In conclusion
, although advertising in sports supports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
to do well,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
may cause health issues.
However
, in my opinion,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should take into account that player's invisible pressure from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
sales can influence their performance.

-246 words
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good while others think there are disadvantages. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
247 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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