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Many people believe that individuals are responsible for their own happiness, while others think happiness is dependent on other external factors. Discuss both views and include your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and examples from your experience. v.1

Many people believe that individuals are responsible for their own happiness, while others think happiness is dependent on other external factors. v. 1
It is often argued that happiness depends on subjective factors, while others feel that the environment plays a key role in defining how full and joyful would be a life. I believe while the outer factors effecting on individual drastically, it still depends on a person how to respond to life challenges and blessings. Life is full of uncontrolled events, which can lead a human to prosperity or destroy everything one has in a day. Undoubtedly, it is nearly impossible to stay optimistic when you lose people you love or face the severe disease. It is proven by a statistical fact that suicide rates rise during the wars, pandemics and economic crisis. However, I believe a human being has a choice to give up or keep fighting when you face troubles because different people react differently to similar situations. Others say that only a person responsible for one's own happiness. People can't determine their future, but they can decide how to perceive it. For example, when my father was told by doctors that he has only a few months left, everybody expected him to be depressed. Nonetheless, he decided to spend the rest of his life enjoying things he loved and working on his book. That is why I think that everybody can be happy no matter how troublesome one's story is. In conclusion, although circumstances affect the way we feel to a great extent, this essay finds that it depends only on a person's actions on how to take adversities and gifts of destiny.
It is
often
argued that happiness depends on subjective factors, while others feel that the environment plays a key role in defining how full and joyful would be a life. I believe while the outer factors effecting on individual
drastically
, it
still
depends on a person how to respond to life challenges and blessings.

Life is full of uncontrolled
events
, which can lead a human to prosperity or
destroy
everything one has in a day.
Undoubtedly
, it is
nearly
impossible to stay optimistic when you lose
people
you
love
or face the severe disease. It
is proven
by a statistical fact that suicide rates rise during the wars, pandemics and economic crisis.
However
, I believe a human being has a choice to give up or
keep
fighting when you face troubles
because
different
people
react
differently
to similar situations.

Others say that
only
a person responsible for one's
own
happiness.
People
can't determine their future,
but
they can decide how to perceive it.
For example
, when my father was
told
by doctors that he has
only
a few months
left
, everybody
expected
him to
be depressed
. Nonetheless, he decided to spend the rest of his life enjoying things he
loved
and working on his book.
That is
why I
think
that everybody can be happy no matter how troublesome one's story is.

In conclusion
, although circumstances affect the way we feel to a great extent, this essay finds that it depends
only
on a person's actions on how to take adversities and gifts of destiny.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that individuals are responsible for their own happiness, while others think happiness is dependent on other external factors. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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