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Universities should accept equal numbers of men and women in every subject. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.1

Universities should accept equal numbers of men and women in every subject. v. 1
Science is always evolving and enhancing the standards of living. While some people believe these scientific innovations carry more cons than pros, others disagree. I personally support the latter view, and believe inventions have changed the lives of humans for the better. Firstly and undoubtedly, modern innovations have facilitated the way we communicate with one another. For instance, the Internet has allowed families in different continents to stay in touch with one another through different networking platforms, performing voice and video calls. Moreover, GPS apps such as Google maps and Waze, has benefited the drivers all around the world tremendously. As they are made aware of the traffic alerts, alternative routes, road congestions and accidents beforehand, they are able to plan their journey accordingly. Secondly, the scientific advancements in technology have had a positive impact on international business; prospering economy worldwide. To illustrate, with the advent of cargo planes, countries are able to import, export and exchange goods with one another, irrespective of distance and time. Finally, these innovations have enhanced medical field greatly. For example, vaccinations have allowed people to have a better quality of life. Nowadays, people don’t die from a simple fever or an epidemic like plague, unlike the past. Thus, compared to a century ago the life expectancy globally has more than doubled. Even though, with everything innovative there are certain drawbacks, there are a number of ways to curb those issues. To exemplify, some people would highlight nuclear bombs as the destructive power of the science. Yet, people forget that the original idea of nuclear power was to generate electricity, but it was misused and bombs were formed. Therefore, it is up to the wisdom of mankind to control such adverse side effects of innovation. In conclusion, I believe there is a lot of positivity involved with scientific researches that has benefited our lives significantly. Although, there could be few side effects of such innovations, government and society can work together to minimise them and enhance the advantages.
Science is always evolving and enhancing the standards of living. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe these scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
innovations
carry more cons than pros, others disagree. I
personally
support the latter view, and believe inventions have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of humans for the better.

Firstly
and
undoubtedly
, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
innovations
have facilitated the way we communicate with one another.
For instance
, the Internet has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
families in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
continents to stay in touch with one another through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
networking platforms, performing voice and video calls.
Moreover
, GPS apps such as
Did you mean "Google Maps"?
Google maps
and Waze, has benefited the drivers all around the world
tremendously
. As they
are made
aware of the traffic alerts, alternative routes, road congestions and accidents beforehand, they are able to plan their journey
accordingly
.
Secondly
, the scientific advancements in technology have had a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on international business; prospering economy worldwide. To illustrate, with the advent of cargo
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
planes
, countries are able to import, export and exchange
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
with one another, irrespective of distance and time.

Finally
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
innovations
have enhanced medical field
greatly
.
For example
, vaccinations have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have a better quality of life. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
from a simple fever or an epidemic like plague, unlike the past.
Thus
, compared to a century ago the life expectancy globally has more than doubled.

Even though
, with everything innovative there are certain drawbacks, there are a number of ways to curb those issues. To exemplify,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would highlight nuclear bombs as the destructive power of the science.
Yet
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
forget that the original
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of nuclear power was to generate electricity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
was misused
and bombs
were formed
.
Therefore
, it is up to the wisdom of mankind to control such adverse side effects of innovation.

In conclusion
, I believe there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
positivity involved with scientific researches that has benefited our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
significantly
. Although, there could be few side effects of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
innovations
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and society can work together to
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimise' is British English.
minimise
them and enhance the advantages.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Universities should accept equal numbers of men and women in every subject. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
333 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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