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Nowadays people live in societies that consumer goods have become cheaper Do you think the advantages of consumer goods being cheaper outweigh the disadvantages v.1

Nowadays people live in societies that consumer goods have become cheaper Do you think the advantages of consumer goods being cheaper outweigh the disadvantages v. 1
In recent times, child obesity is one of the health issues western countries are facing. Children in these countries are gaining more weight than they should be, is because of the diet they are following. This essay will discuss, how the diet and daily routines are the main reason for the overweight problem. The main cause for the obesity is the diet they follow. Although they have a proper diet, most of the children are attracted to junk food. This is because of the taste of fast food. Moreover this type of food can be made within a short period of time. For instance, noodles and Maggie can be made in five to ten minutes of time, with packed ingredients, which are the main reason for a fat increase in the body. Furthermore, the kids are bored with the traditional and health diet is also one of the factors, why they are interested to have junk. Secondly, today's kids are stuck to smart gadgets, leaving outdoor sport activities a side. The dietary has many disturbing trends of which, gaining more weight at very yearly age is one of the main effect. Moreover, children will have many health problems like heart and liver problems. Although they are young, they will be very lazy to do their daily routine. The only solution for this universal issue is to follow a regular healthy diet health diet and regular physical activities. Children should be encouraged to play more outside games. In conclusion, Most of the western countries along with others, need to have a control on the health products which are with more junk and should encourage children to participate in physical activities, is the only solution for this obesity condition.
In recent times, child obesity is one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues western countries are facing.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
in these countries are gaining more weight than they should be, is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the diet they are following. This essay will discuss, how the diet and daily routines are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
reason for the overweight problem.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
cause for the obesity is the diet they follow. Although they have a proper diet, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are attracted
to junk food. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the taste of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
this type of food can
be made
within a short period of time.
For instance
, noodles and Maggie can
be made
in five to ten minutes of time, with packed ingredients, which are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
reason for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
increase in the body.
Furthermore
, the kids
are bored
with the traditional and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
diet is
also
one of the factors, why they
are interested
to have junk.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's kids
are stuck
to smart gadgets, leaving outdoor sport activities a side. The dietary has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disturbing trends of which, gaining more weight at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
yearly age is one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
effect.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems like heart and liver problems. Although they are young, they will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
lazy to do their daily routine. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
solution for this universal issue is to follow a regular healthy diet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
diet and regular physical activities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
should
be encouraged
to play more outside games.

In conclusion
, Most of the western countries along with others, need to have a control on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
products which are with more junk and should encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to participate in physical activities, is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
solution for this obesity condition.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
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Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Nowadays people live in societies that consumer goods have become cheaper Do you think the advantages of consumer goods being cheaper outweigh the disadvantages v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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