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Some students choose University BA English is the language of instruction. Others prefer an institution where they can speak the native language. Which environment would you prefer and why. Please give details and examples to support your response. v.1

Some students choose University BA English is the language of instruction. Others prefer an institution where they can speak the native language. Which environment would you prefer and why. Please give details and examples to support your response. v. 1
While it is well-known a fact that crime is rising in all nations of the world in the present era. Crime has become a serious issue among the age of teenagers as well as adults. Certain individuals reckon that when teenagers commit crime, they should punish and treat the same method as adults crooks. I completely agree with the given hook. I will examine the hard reasons behind this phenomenon in the below paragraphs. Since the technology has made many features for watching the programs of children as violent movies, which impact on the children's behaviour, teenagers love to watch these kinds of film. Firstly, more and more people are going to film industry in order to get the name and fame. For example, violent movies are shown by producers to youngsters. At the first time, they like. They do not know that they are going in violent activities. Secondly, games are also influenced on the toddlers. On the flip side, if the police force punishes to the teenagers as adults, it helps to the individuals reduce the crime rate. First and foremost step is that, when their parents give punishment to the adults. For instance, teenagers can watch punishment before the age of adults. Likewise, they always stay away from the crime. As well as, they think in the future about the punishment before doing anything. Last not but least, parents can reduce their time of watching television. And also set the time of watching. To conclude, it is very necessary for finishing the crime rate in all over the world. However, more and more people should help to reduce the mishaps.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
it is well-known a fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is rising in all nations of the world in the present era.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Crime
has become a serious issue among the age of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
. Certain individuals reckon that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, they should punish and treat the same method as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
crooks. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
hook. I will examine the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
reasons behind this phenomenon in the below paragraphs.

Since the technology has made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
features for watching the programs of children as violent movies, which impact on the children's
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
these kinds of film.
Firstly
, more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are going to film industry in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the name and fame.
For example
, violent movies
are shown
by producers to youngsters. At the
first
time, they like. They do not know that they are going in violent activities.
Secondly
, games are
also
influenced on the toddlers.

On the flip side, if the police force punishes to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to the individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate.
First
and foremost step is that, when their parents give punishment to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
punishment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the age of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
.
Likewise
, they always stay away from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
As well
as, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
in the future about the punishment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
doing anything.

Last not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
least, parents can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their time of watching television. And
also
set the time of watching.

To conclude
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
necessary for finishing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate in all over the world.
However
, more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the mishaps.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay Some students choose University BA English is the language of instruction. Others prefer an institution where they can speak the native language. Which environment would you prefer and why. Please give details and examples to support your response. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
273 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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