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Some people believe that men and women are equal and so women should be able to do any job they want. Others feel that men and women are not equal and therefore there are certain jobs which are nor suitable for women. What is your opinion? v.4

Some people believe that men and women are equal and so women should be able to do any job they want. Others feel that men and women are not equal and therefore there are certain jobs which are nor suitable for women. What is your opinion? v. 4
As the vast majority of people are moving from rural areas to the urban, cities are getting overcrowded, which leads to the high volume of traffic on the roads and therefore the road conditions are getting worse. The reason behind this is all related to the overpopulation and the problem could be tackled with the collective efforts of the government and the multinational companies. The main reason behind the bad condition of roads in the cities is overpopulation. With the rise in employment opportunities in the urban cities, people are leaving their hometowns to get their dream jobs in multinational companies, which are located in the heart of beautiful cities, resulting in the city’s streets are getting overcrowded with the private vehicles. For instance, New York city was designed to hold 100, 000 people in the beginning, but due to the globalisation, people from adjoining areas has moved to New York to seek a better quality of life, resulting in total population of 1. 5 million in 2020, as per the latest report of the New York Times. There are various steps that could be taken to make the condition of urban cities better. Firstly, the government should encourage multinational companies to establish their branches in the rural areas, so that unemployed people do not move to the cities in search of the jobs. By doing this, there will also be a growth of the rural areas in terms of the standard of living, transportation and accommodation. Secondly, the government should reduce the taxes for the companies who offers the remote work option to its employees. In this way, more and more companies will support the idea of working from the home, which leads to less traffic on the roads, which means minimum wear and tear, followed by their best condition. To conclude, roads are getting damaged due to the high congestion in metropolitan cities. However, this can be tackled with the mutual contribution of the government and the multinational companies.
As the vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are moving from rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
to the urban,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are getting overcrowded, which leads to the high volume of traffic on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
and
therefore
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
conditions are getting worse. The reason behind this is all related to the overpopulation and the problem could
be tackled
with the collective efforts of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

The main reason behind the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
condition of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is overpopulation. With the rise in employment opportunities in the urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are leaving their hometowns to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their dream jobs in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
, which
are located
in the heart of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, resulting in the city’s streets are getting overcrowded with the private vehicles.
For instance
,
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
New York city
was designed
to hold 100, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the beginning,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
due to the
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from adjoining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to New York to seek a better quality of life, resulting in total population of 1. 5 million in 2020, as per the latest report of the New York Times.

There are various steps that could
be taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the condition of urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
better.
Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to establish their branches in the rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
in search of the jobs. By doing this, there will
also
be a growth of the rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
in terms of the standard of living, transportation and accommodation.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the taxes for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
who
Did you mean "offer"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'companies' should be used.
offers
the remote work option to its employees. In this way, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
will support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of working from the home, which leads to less traffic on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
, which means minimum wear and tear, followed by their best condition.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
are getting damaged due to the high congestion in metropolitan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
However
, this can
be tackled
with the mutual contribution of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people believe that men and women are equal and so women should be able to do any job they want. Others feel that men and women are not equal and therefore there are certain jobs which are nor suitable for women. What is your opinion? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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