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Universities should accept equal numbers of malle and femal in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Universities should accept equal numbers of malle and femal in every subject. v. 1
Nowadays, the life needs men and women for ongoing. They are not separate from each other, neither university nor other part of life. Thus, I believe firmly male and female are always equal. I will explain my idea in the following paragraph. First of all, I would like to share about situation’s women in the past. In the past generation, we can touch many differences between men and women during the life for instance, they didn’t have any choices even for going to the school or getting married. On the other hand, there were many difficulties they sometimes weren’t able to choose her favourite colour or dress. Although, the woman plays significant role in society such as a mother, a sister, a daughter or a wife but they have never seen in their main location. The second of all, I believe all women learned to be firm and strong. In these days, they are everywhere in the society either as a president or as a mother, but who can make up her mind about her life. However, this shows women can be stronger than past because they are in universities and society. In addition, I want to mention that there are a lot of men who support his wife or his mother or sister. They could pass their life step by step as well. In conclusion, I am a happy and succeed woman because I could be in every universities next to the men. Society saw me as similar as men. So I can, I will.
Nowadays, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
for ongoing. They are not separate from each other, neither university nor other part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Thus
, I believe
firmly
male and female are always equal. I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
in the following paragraph.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I would like to share about situation’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in the past. In the past generation, we can touch
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
differences between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
for instance
, they didn’t have any choices even for going to the school or getting married.
On the other hand
, there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
difficulties they
The adverb 'sometimes' is usually put after the verb 'weren'.
sometimes weren
’t able to choose her
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
or dress. Although, the woman plays significant role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
such as a mother, a sister, a daughter or a wife
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they have never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in their main location.

The second of all, I believe all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
learned to be firm and strong. In these days, they are everywhere in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
either as a president or as a mother,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
who can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up her mind about her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
However
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can be stronger than past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are in universities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
In addition
, I want to mention that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
who support his wife or his mother or sister. They could pass their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
step by step
as well
.

In conclusion
, I am a happy and succeed woman
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I could be in every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "university"?
universities
next
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
me as similar as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I can, I will.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
To learn a language is to have one more window from which to look at the world.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Universities should accept equal numbers of malle and femal in every subject. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
256 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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