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Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.6

Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. 6
Many people say that art is an important subject for pupils at school, however, others say that it is just time-consuming. The aim of this essay is made to compare these views and at the end, I will give my own opinion. Firstly, the reason why some people argue that the advantages of art subjects outweigh its disadvantages is they think that art is showing images of a pupil on paper. So, they believe that children illustrate their emotions directly by art. For example, on parties or birthdays, children can show their love and emotions by creating creative cards for their loved people. I think, for this reason, these people mentioned art as beneficial. However, some other people think that art is completely unnecessary. The reason for this is very huge numbers of children that give interests for other Academic subjects, so they don’t have time for art apart from these subjects. Additionally, nowadays there is no really good job opportunities for artists or the lovers of art. For example, If I study subjects like science or math, I can apply many different jobs, such as business, marketing, IT manager and others. But, if I learn art, I can be just an artist. So, in this way people’s mind is correct. In conclusion, both arguments have their qualities. If children learn art, it will help them in showing their imaginations. However, their job vacancies may decrease because of wasting time on art. So, I am a neutral thinker.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
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people
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
for pupils at school,
however
, others say that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
time-consuming. The aim of this essay
is made
to compare these views and at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, I will give my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion.

Firstly
, the reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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people
argue that the advantages of
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art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
outweigh its disadvantages is they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is showing images of a pupil on paper.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they believe that
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children
illustrate their emotions
directly
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
For example
, on parties or birthdays,
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children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and emotions by creating creative cards for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
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people
. I
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think
,
for this reason
, these
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people
mentioned
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art
as beneficial.

However
,
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some
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other
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is completely unnecessary.
The reason for this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
huge numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that give
The usual collocation for "interests" is "in" not "for". Did you mean "interests in"?
interests for
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other
Academic
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subjects
,
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so
they don’t have time for
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art
apart from these
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subjects
.
Additionally
, nowadays there is no
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job opportunities for artists or the lovers of
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art
.
For example
, If I study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like science or math, I can apply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
jobs, such as business, marketing, IT manager
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
.
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But
, if I learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, I can be
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just
an artist.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in this way
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people’s
mind is correct.

In conclusion
, both arguments have their qualities. If
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children
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in showing their imaginations.
However
, their job vacancies may decrease
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of wasting time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I am a neutral thinker.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
248 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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