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In contemporary society, everyone should have equal opportunities in education. Therefore, universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

In contemporary society, everyone should have equal opportunities in education. Therefore, universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. v. 1
There is no doubt that education is a crucial part of one's future especially in our modern society. Some people believe that universities must enroll same number of male and female students in each course. I totally disagree with this opinion and think that opportunities should not be based on gender. This essay will discuss few of the reasons behind my view. First of all, limiting options for candidates based on their gender is an example of sexism. To illustrate, excellence is higher in number among female applicants than male and if acceptance is based on equality in number of both genders, this will definitely be unjust for some females who would have gotten the spot if that was not the rule. For instance, many young ladies had their chance taken away in different universities because of gender rule which led them being depressed and anxious about their future after working really hard to reach where they are. In other words, brilliance does not know gender. Secondly, distinct jobs fit males more than females and vice versa. That is, specific specialties require power which you can find more in guys and others might need endurance that is more seen in girls. For example, majority of builders are males where as most of artist are females. Thus, different fields are suited more to a certain gender. To conclude, to be accepted in university based on your gender status is unfair as it restrain excellence and put poeple at unsuited subjects. That's why I entirely disagree with having labelled seats for females and males in college enrollments.
There is no doubt that education is a crucial part of one's future
especially
in our modern society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that universities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
enroll same number of male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
students in each course. I
totally
disagree with this opinion and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that opportunities should not
be based
on gender. This essay will discuss few of the reasons behind my view.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, limiting options for candidates based on their gender is an example of sexism. To illustrate, excellence is
A more concise phrase may lose no meaning and sound more powerful.
higher in number
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
applicants than male and if acceptance
is based
on equality in number of both genders, this will definitely be unjust for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
who would have gotten the spot if that was not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young ladies had their chance taken away in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
universities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of gender
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
which led them
being depressed
and anxious about their future after working
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to reach where they are.
In other words
, brilliance does not know gender.

Secondly
, distinct jobs fit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
and vice versa.
That is
, specific specialties require power which you can find more in guys
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
might need endurance
that is
more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in girls.
For example
,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
builders are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
Consider using "most artist" or "most of the artist".
most of artist
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fields
are suited
more to a certain gender.

To conclude
, to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
in university based on your gender status is unfair as it
Did you mean "restrains"?
restrain
excellence and put
Possible spelling mistake found.
poeple
at unsuited subjects. That's why I
entirely
disagree with having labelled seats for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
in college enrollments.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay In contemporary society, everyone should have equal opportunities in education. Therefore, universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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