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Some people think that there should be some strict controls about noise. Others think that they could just make as much noise as they want. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.5

Some people think that there should be some strict controls about noise. Others think that they could just make as much noise as they want. v. 5
As the world is facing a great deal of global pollution like air, water and so forth, there is another type that many people would argue: noise pollution. Some, including me, hold the view that noise should be regulated firmly, while some others believe that it is their wish how much noise they generate. One the one hand, there are several reasons why the government should take noise produced under supervision. Firstly, noise in over-amount significantly has harmful side-effects on people’s health, leading to stress. Because living in a too noisy place may cause problems such as headache, which can decrease the health levels of people. Furthermore, it is considered as one of the major causes for a concentration loss. If there is too much noise around when a university student is cramming for an exam, he or she may be disturbed, thereby losing focus on study. There are, on the other hand, some contradicting views for a noise regulation. To be begin with, noise unintentionally created in urban areas cannot be taken under control and it is not the responsibility of a single person. For instance, it is not acceptable to fine the owner of the car generated noise. Additionally, barely do people disturb others at this modern era when they make a noise, thanks to technological advancements. A salient example is that people can make as much noise as they wish in a room constructed in a way that is able to block out the noise. Therefore, the problem of noise can be reduced allowing people to work without being disturbed. In conclusion, although there are some valid opinions supporting the view that people are free to make noise regardless of amount, it is my firm belief that there should be some appropriate controls over it.
As the world is facing a great deal of global pollution like air, water and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth, there is another type that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would argue:
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
pollution.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
, including me, hold the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
should
be regulated
firmly
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others believe that it is their wish how much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
they generate.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the one hand, there are several reasons why the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
produced under supervision.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
in over-amount
significantly
has harmful
Did you mean "side effects" (=adverse effect, unintended consequence)? Open compounds are not hyphenated.
side-effects
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health, leading to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
living in a too noisy place may cause problems such as headache, which can decrease the health levels of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Furthermore
, it
is considered
as one of the major causes for a concentration loss. If there is too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
around when a university student is cramming for an exam, he or she may
be disturbed
, thereby losing focus on study.

There are,
on the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
contradicting views for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
regulation. To be
Consider using a past participle here: "begun".
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
unintentionally
created in urban areas cannot
be taken
under control and it is not the responsibility of a single person.
For instance
, it is not acceptable to fine the owner of the car generated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
.
Additionally
,
barely
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
disturb others at this modern era when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
, thanks to technological advancements. A salient example is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
as much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
as they wish in a room constructed in a way
that is
able to block out the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
.
Therefore
, the problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to work without
being disturbed
.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
valid opinions supporting the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are free to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
regardless of amount, it is my firm belief that there should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
appropriate controls over it.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that there should be some strict controls about noise. Others think that they could just make as much noise as they want. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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