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Traffic congestion is becoming a huge problem for many major cities. Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce traffic in big cities. เริ่ม 16: 10 v.2

Traffic congestion is becoming a huge problem for many major cities. Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce traffic in big cities. เริ่ม 16: 10 v. 2
A traffic jam is a serious circumstance that occurs anywhere in the world. It is a major problem in several countries. They are trying to find the solutions to reduce these impacts that arise from the traffic congestion. In this essay, I will point out the causes of the problem and also give the possible solutions. First of all, the traffic congestion usually occurs in the big cities, for example, Bangkok, Tokyo, New York. The reason is because there are many people who live in the cities. The following problems are noise and air pollution. Cars release the carbon dioxide, which can cause the diseases related to the breathing system such as lung cancer, lung failure, lung infection. Moreover, noise pollution normally disturbs people who live nearby the roads as well. Nonetheless, there are more problems derive from the traffic congestion that might not be able to notice in the short-term. However, this issue can be solved with the collaboration between people and government. In this paragraph, I will give my opinion about the solutions that can be done by people who live in the cities. Actually, they can use public transportations to reduce the carbon emissions or even do a car pool when they have to travel to the same place. With these solutions, they can reduce the number of cars on the street so that the rush hour can be solved. Another sector is the government, who can encourage and influence people to change their bahavior and also provide the services for people in rush hours. For example, the politician or people who responsible to this issue have to assure that they provide enough public transportation for people, especially in the morning and evening. Secondly, the government may try to add more of the polices or officers who responsible to help their people such as car accident, ambulances and etc. In conclusion, I personally feel like the traffic congestion is a huge problem that needed to be solved as soon as possible once it has occurred in the cities. Furthermore, there are several solutions that can be applied to solve the problem. Both government and people need to work together in order make everything becomes better.
A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
jam is a serious circumstance that occurs anywhere in the world. It is a major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
in several countries. They are trying to find the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
these impacts that arise from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
congestion
. In this essay, I will point out the causes of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
and
also
give the possible solutions.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
congestion
usually
occurs in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
,
for example
, Bangkok, Tokyo, New York. The reason is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. The following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
are noise and air pollution.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cars
release the carbon dioxide, which can cause the diseases related to the breathing system such as lung cancer, lung failure, lung infection.
Moreover
, noise pollution
normally
disturbs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
nearby the roads
as well
. Nonetheless, there are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
derive from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
congestion
that might not be able to notice in the short-term.

However
, this issue can
be solved
with the collaboration between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. In this paragraph, I will give my opinion about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
that can
be done
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. Actually, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
public transportations to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the carbon emissions or even do a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
pool when they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
travel to the same place. With these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
on the street
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the rush hour can
be solved
.

Another sector is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can encourage and influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
bahavior
and
also
provide the services for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in rush hours.
For example
, the politician or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
A noun should not follow 'who'. Try changing to a verb or maybe to "who is a responsible".
who responsible
to this issue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
assure that they provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
public transportation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
in the morning and evening.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
may try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
more of the polices or officers
A noun should not follow 'who'. Try changing to a verb or maybe to "who is a responsible".
who responsible
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
accident, ambulances
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
.

In conclusion
, I
personally
feel like the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
congestion
is a huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
that needed to
be solved
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible once it has occurred in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
Furthermore
, there are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
that can
be applied
to solve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. Both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to work together in order
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
everything becomes better.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
47Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Traffic congestion is becoming a huge problem for many major cities. Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce traffic in big cities. เริ่ม 16: 10 v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
368 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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