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Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development? 16: 36 v.25

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development? 16: 36 v. 25
Nowadays, technology has changed our lives and our interaction between people. There are different types of relationships that people make and also the remaining relationships. In this essay, I will give my answer to the statement, whether it is a positive or a negative development. First of all, in my point of view, technology makes this world becomes smaller as anyone can contact any person in the world. This is one type of the interactions, people start to know each others easily. For instance, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and other social media can help people to contact each other freely. It helps them to keep in touch with each others as well. Another example is that couples who live in different parts of the world can still remain their friendships and contact each other via technology or electronic devices that they have. This is one of the types of relationships that could arise from the improvement of technology. Secondly, there are also other different kinds of relationships that can be mentioned when the technology has changed. People will have less face-to-face conversation, they will concentrate more on the mobile phone and people on the screen. I think this is a bad situation that arise when the technology has improved. Lastly, in my point of view, the improvement of technology can give both positive and negative to the different kind of relationships. However, if people can use it effectively and properly I think it will give benefits to people who use it carefully.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and our interaction between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
and
also
the remaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
. In this essay, I will give my answer to the statement, whether it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, in my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
this world becomes smaller
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
anyone can contact any person in the world. This is one type of the interactions,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to know each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "other"?
others
easily
.
For instance
, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
social media can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to contact each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
freely
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "other"?
others
as well
. Another example is that couples who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
parts of the world can
still
remain their friendships and contact each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
via
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
or electronic devices that they have. This is one of the types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
that could arise from the improvement of technology.

Secondly
, there are
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
that can
be mentioned
when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
will have less face-to-face conversation, they will concentrate more on the mobile phone and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on the screen. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
situation that arise when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
.

Lastly
, in my point of view, the improvement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can give both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
.
However
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it
effectively
and
properly
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it will give benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it
carefully
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development? 16: 36 v. 25

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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