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Traditionally women play the role of upbringing their children while men work outside to earn money for the family. Some people argue that women make the better parent than man and that’s why they should play the greater role in upbringing children. Others, however, say that men can be as good as women in parenting. v.2

Traditionally women play the role of upbringing their children while men work outside to earn money for the family. Some people argue that women make the better parent than man and that’s why they should play the greater role in upbringing children. Others, however, say that men can be as good as women in parenting. v. 2
In today's’ modem world, it is crucial for both parents to teach the children to become a good citizen of a society.   However,   there are a handful of people assert that women should be more responsible in raising children as they make better parents than men which I disagree with. A recent study has shown that women are comparatively more patient than men.   Thus, it suggests that women have the obligation to educate their children; for example, teaching them how to solve mathematical problems. This is because they have more patience than men do, hence their children will probably learn more efficiently from their mother than father. In addition, it is proven that, in general, more fathers will scold their children whenever they make a mistake without telling them what they have done is wrong. Nevertheless, a mother will explain clearly what the fault is and what should be done to tackle the problem to their children. On the other hand, men have indispensable roles in guiding their children to the right path of their future lives. In most of the family, father acts as a good role model to their sons and daughters. The statistic from a recent research conducted in Singapore explains that children especially the boys have a higher tendency to commit crimes when they are not live a nuclear family. This can be due to the reason that they have no father as the role model who will teach them the good values. In short, men have no exception in playing a greater role in educating children. In conclusion, children will be a successful and educated citizens only if both the parents willing to educate them dedicatedly and patiently. I believe mother and father are the closest persons to their children who have the greatest influence on them to guide them to be a contributive citizen to the nation.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's’ modem world, it is crucial for both parents to teach the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to become a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
citizen of a society.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
However
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
there are a
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "handfuls", "handsful"?
handful
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assert that women should be more responsible in raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
better parents than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
which I disagree with.

A recent study has shown that women are
comparatively
more patient than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Thus
, it suggests that women have the obligation to educate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
;
for example
, teaching them how to solve mathematical problems. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have more patience than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
do,
hence
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
probably
learn more
efficiently
from their mother than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
.
In addition
, it
is proven
that,
in general
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
will scold their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
whenever they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a mistake without telling them what they have done is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.
Nevertheless
, a mother will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
clearly
what the fault is and what should
be done
to tackle the problem to their children.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
have indispensable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
in guiding their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to the right path of their future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. In most of the family,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
acts as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
model to their sons and daughters. The statistic from a recent research conducted in Singapore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
especially
the boys have a higher tendency to commit crimes when they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a nuclear family. This can be due to the reason that they have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
model who will teach them the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
values. In short,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
have no exception in playing a greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in educating children.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will be a successful and educated citizens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if both the parents willing to educate them
Possible spelling mistake found.
dedicatedly
and
patiently
. I believe mother and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
are the closest persons to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who have the greatest influence on them to guide them to be a
Possible spelling mistake found.
contributive
citizen to the nation.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Traditionally women play the role of upbringing their children while men work outside to earn money for the family. Some people argue that women make the better parent than man and that’s why they should play the greater role in upbringing children. Others, however, say that men can be as good as women in parenting. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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