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Creative artists like painter and musicians should be financially supported by the government. However, some people disagree with this and say that those artists should support their own financing or should be funded by alternative sources. v.1

Creative artists like painter and musicians should be financially supported by the government. However, some people disagree with this and say that those artists should support their own financing or should be funded by alternative sources. v. 1
Certain People thinks that the innovative people like painter and musician deserve financial backup from the local government. Opponents, opinion is they should be financed from other sources. However, I believe these innovators should be backed up by the local administration and following that other source like- Private Company should come for their future betterment. The innovation and creation do not come in a day. It needs a lot of time, labour and creative minds. The creative personals need a continuous financial backup and platform to march independently. Thereby only government can give them a continuous source of income and fund for their works to go ahead to enrich their creation. As an example, an earlier painter like, Pablo Picasso and others’ work were backed up by the administration of that time. This is one of the two reasons that the government should finance for the innovator. Another reason is that to develop a unique creation the singer or painter both needs a sound mind. If their minds remain engaged with the source of their working money or about their own wages, they will not be able to expand their creativity in full swing. But until become a renowned person the private source doesn’t provide any fund to them. As an instance, a new singer like my aunt Jordan had to struggle a lot to achieve a financial backup for her first album. But luckily she had got a fund from the local cultural ministry after passing through a complex process. In conclusion, artists from different levels needs financial backing for the future contribution. Therefore, I strongly believe that to enrich the country in terms of art an innovator first needs finance of government and then from other sources to enrich their creation. This approach will create more and more famous artist and singer in the history of art.
Certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
thinks
that the innovative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like painter and musician deserve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
backup from the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. Opponents, opinion is they should
be financed
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
.
However
, I believe these innovators should
be backed
up by the local administration and following that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
like- Private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Company
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
for their future betterment.

The innovation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creation
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in a day. It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time,
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
and creative minds. The creative personals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
a continuous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
backup and platform to march
independently
. Thereby
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can give them a continuous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
of income and fund for their works to go ahead to enrich their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creation
. As an example, an earlier painter like, Pablo Picasso
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
’ work
were backed
up by the administration of that time. This is one of the two reasons that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should finance for the innovator.

Another reason is that to develop a unique
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creation
the singer or painter both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
a sound mind. If their minds remain engaged with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
of their working money or about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
wages, they will not be able to expand their creativity in full swing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
until become a renowned person the private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
doesn’t provide any fund to them. As an instance, a new singer like my aunt Jordan had to struggle a lot to achieve a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
backup for her
first
album.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
luckily she had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a fund from the local cultural ministry after passing through a complex process.

In conclusion
, artists from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
levels
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
backing for the future contribution.
Therefore
, I
strongly
believe that to enrich the country in terms of art an innovator
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
finance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and then from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
to enrich their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creation
. This approach will create more and more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
artist and singer in the history of art.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Creative artists like painter and musicians should be financially supported by the government. However, some people disagree with this and say that those artists should support their own financing or should be funded by alternative sources. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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