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Creative artists like painter and musicians should be financially supported by the government. However, some people disagree with this and say that those artists should support their own financing or should be funded by alternative sources. v.2

Creative artists like painter and musicians should be financially supported by the government. However, some people disagree with this and say that those artists should support their own financing or should be funded by alternative sources. v. 2
Art is the dignity and identity of any country and region. It represents the culture, the history and lifestyle of a nation. Peoples can be distinguished by their country’s art either it is music, painting or acting. According to some people, the government should provide funds to artists but the oppositions have an opinion that some other sources should take responsibility to support talented artists. In this essay, I will discuss both sides of the view. To begin with, we admire that artists are the representative of their region as they have precious God gifted ability, to sum up, their tradition and culture in painting or music. But every creative artist may not have enough financial resources to support his/her work and require funds from some strong sides. Besides, art made it easy to be familiar with lifestyles and cultures of other regions and bring all nations close to each other. By having a review in past, it is clear that art was really fetching before centuries in comparison to present. Structures of historical building and paintings on their walls are still eye appealing and indicative of their constructors. The reason was that the empires and the government did not face issues like today such as the global warming, flood, unemployment etc. and they had sufficient funds to support their artists. On the contrary, developing countries suffer from the lack of adequate budgets to ensure some very basic requirements of their people like health, education and better quality of life etc. Then again those countries don’t have a chance to spend much money to less important issues. Furthermore, there is no guarantee that individual artist and art institute will use the funds properly and positively. Therefore, the government should avoid using their money in uncertain projects. In my opinion, the idea can be very useful to developed countries but for us, it might be extravagant.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
is the dignity and identity of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and region. It represents the culture, the history and lifestyle of a nation. Peoples can
be distinguished
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
either it is music, painting or acting. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should provide funds to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the oppositions have an opinion that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other sources should take responsibility to support talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
. In this essay, I will discuss both sides of the view.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, we admire that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
are the representative of their region as they have precious God gifted ability, to sum up, their tradition and culture in painting or music.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
every creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
may not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
financial resources to support his/her work and require funds from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strong sides.

Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
made it easy to be familiar with lifestyles and cultures of other regions and bring all nations close to each other. By having a review
Did you mean: "in the past"?
in past
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
was
really
fetching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
centuries
in comparison
to present. Structures of historical building and paintings on their walls are
still
eye appealing and indicative of their constructors. The reason was that the empires and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
did not face issues like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
such as the global warming, flood, unemployment etc. and they had sufficient funds to support their artists.

On the contrary
, developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
suffer from the lack of adequate budgets to ensure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
basic requirements of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like health, education and better quality of life etc. Then again those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
don’t have a chance to spend much money to less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issues.
Furthermore
, there is no guarantee that individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
institute will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the funds
properly
and
positively
.

Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should avoid using their money in uncertain projects. In my opinion, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful to developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for us, it might be extravagant.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Creative artists like painter and musicians should be financially supported by the government. However, some people disagree with this and say that those artists should support their own financing or should be funded by alternative sources. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
315 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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