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To what extent has the traditional male role changed in the last 20 years? Many people believe that women make better parenting than men and that this is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. Others claim that men are just as good as women at parenting. Write an essay expressing your point of view. Give reasons for your answer. v.1

Many people believe that women make better parenting than men and that this is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. Others claim that men are just as good as women at parenting. Write an essay expressing your point of view. v. 1
I agree with the fact that females provide good parenting and nurturing than men and this is why they have the major part in uplifting their children's life in many of the communities. Women can play both the role of a father and mother. During the last decade, most of the females engage in household activities and played full-time housewife role. But there is a drastic and tremendous change over the previous 20 years. Women acquired equal rights that men possess and education made a difference in their thinking process and reasoning. Women are getting a high-quality education and better employment in modern societies. Besides doing their job, women are taking care of their children and doing household activities too. The changes happened in their education trend brought a miraculous difference in the modern society thought process. All women in this era are working women and this is a major factor which I believe forced males to take care of their children while the mother goes for her work. The increasing demand for money to meet the daily requirements also play a significant part to push men to do household activities and taking care of children. To some extent, I agree with the fact that men are doing their best in parenting. In this modern world of technological advancements and scientific inventions, it is difficult to take care of the family needs with one person's job. For the better future of the children, financial establishment is a necessity. If both parents are dividing their roles in caring their children can save the money, which is supposed to give to a servant. In conclusion, I totally agree with the fact that men are as good as women in taking care of children which is really appreciable.
I
Consider using "agree that".
agree with the fact that
females provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
parenting and nurturing than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and this is why they have the major part in uplifting their children's life in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the communities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
can play both the role of a father and mother.

During the last decade, most of the females engage in household activities and played full-time housewife role.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there is a drastic and tremendous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
over the previous 20 years.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
acquired equal rights that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
possess and education made a difference in their thinking process and reasoning.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
are getting a high-quality education and better employment in modern societies.
Besides
doing their job,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and doing household activities too.

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
happened in their education trend brought a miraculous difference in the modern society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
process. All
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in this era are working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and this is a major factor which I believe forced males to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
while the mother goes for her work.

The increasing demand for money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the daily requirements
also
play a significant part to push
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
to do household activities and taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. To
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, I
Consider using "agree that".
agree with the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are doing their best in parenting.

In this modern world of technological advancements and scientific inventions, it is difficult to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of the family needs with one person's job. For the better future of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, financial establishment is a necessity. If both parents are dividing their roles in caring their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can save the money, which
is supposed
to give to a servant.

In conclusion
, I
totally
Consider using "agree that".
agree with the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
which is
really
appreciable.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that women make better parenting than men and that this is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. Others claim that men are just as good as women at parenting. Write an essay expressing your point of view. v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
295 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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