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Creative artists like painter and musicians should be financially supported by the government. However, some people disagree with this and say that those artists should support their own financing or should be funded by alternative sources. v.3

Creative artists like painter and musicians should be financially supported by the government. However, some people disagree with this and say that those artists should support their own financing or should be funded by alternative sources. v. 3
From the beginning of the human civilisation, arts and artists have been regarded as one of the most precious assets of the world. However, plummeting artists in a country has raised debate over one of its root cause, which is whether these artists should be funded by government or by some other sources. Both sides of this subject will be analysed before drawing a firm conclusion. On one side of the polarity of the issues, proponents advocate for government funding. To illustrate the benefits of this point they present various advantages. Firstly, government funding would allow prospering those artists who were less endowed. Secondly, nurturing those talents would not only benefit themselves but also help to highlight the country in the world. For example, the Pulitzer award winner Arundhati Roy and the famous painter M. F. Husain are not only the pride of India but also jewels of the world. Additionally, government funding to such motives will inspire the citizens of a country which eventually results to the well-being of a country. On the other side of the polarity of the issue, opponents argue that artists should not be funded by the government as government should spend in solving more trivial issues of the country. To elaborate their points, critics claim that some substitute sources of funding should be invited to bolster talents so that government could focus on serving other underprivileged and at the same time artists could also be supported financially. This could act as a win-win proposition to all. Thus, after contemplating at both perspectives, I believe that alternative source of funding to artists holds merit. Implementing this practice would not only aid artists but also provide a supporting hand to government, which eventually would result in a more prosper and empowered country.
From the beginning of the human
Possible spelling mistake. 'civilisation' is British English.
civilisation
, arts and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
have
been regarded
as one of the most precious assets of the world.
However
, plummeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has raised debate over one of its root cause, which is whether these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
should
be funded
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
or by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other sources. Both sides of this subject will be
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
drawing a firm conclusion.

On one side of the polarity of the issues, proponents advocate for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
funding
. To illustrate the benefits of this point they present various advantages.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
funding
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
prospering those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
who were less endowed.
Secondly
, nurturing those talents would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
benefit themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to highlight the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in the world.
For example
, the Pulitzer award winner
Possible spelling mistake found.
Arundhati
Roy and the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
painter M. F.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Husain
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the pride of India
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
jewels of the world.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
funding
to such motives will inspire the citizens of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
which
eventually
results to the well-being of a country.

On the other side of the polarity of the issue, opponents argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
should not
be funded
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should spend in solving more trivial issues of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. To elaborate their points, critics claim that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
substitute sources of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
funding
should
be invited
to bolster talents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
could focus on serving other underprivileged and at the same time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
could
also
be supported
financially
. This could act as a win-win proposition to all.

Thus
, after contemplating at both perspectives, I believe that alternative source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
funding
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
holds merit. Implementing this practice would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
aid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
provide a supporting hand to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, which
eventually
would result in a more prosper and empowered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Creative artists like painter and musicians should be financially supported by the government. However, some people disagree with this and say that those artists should support their own financing or should be funded by alternative sources. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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