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In some countries, an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is, therefore, necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. v.52

In some countries, an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is, therefore, necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. v. 52
In the present era, world’s people are facing the ultimate fact that our young generations are experiencing severe health related illness from the very beginning of their life and it is due to excess junk food consumption. To forbid the worrying condition, the state is approaching some essential steps and one of them is an enhancement of taxes on convenience food. Thus, I partially agree with the given opinion. As in today’s world, it is one of the most sparkling heated debates. I believe that our leaders should have an eye for finding out some other solutions because only increasing the taxes on fast foods will not hamper the ratio of junk food intake. First of all, as we know that, our teenagers are the prime customers for the convenience meals, where most of them are unaware of devastating health hazards of eating junk foods. At the same time we can ask, is it their fault? I don’t think so. They should be made aware of the long-term consequences of junk food consumption and it is plausible in several ways. For example, broadcasting health related adverts on children’s TV channels, introducing topics into their conventional education regarding dangerous health effects on fast food taking. In addition to, parents could play an important role in combating this worldwide problem by giving their children proper advice and guidelines of having balance diet. Moreover, nowadays people are leading a busy pace of life. Thus they scarcely think of their regular diet, even some of them have no idea about what they are eating. Therefore, people are depending on takeaway meals for their daily livelihood. The government should impose rules on the working schedules so that folks could enjoy their meals with adequate nutritious knowledge. To conclude, in some of the global areas folks are becoming more habituated to convenience food despite realising that they will suffer from heart diseases, obesity and dyslipidaemia in very near future, where only raising the food revenue will not slow down the tasty and unsafe junk food consumption.
In the present era, world’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are facing the ultimate fact that our young generations are experiencing severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
related illness from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beginning of their life and it is due to excess
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
consumption. To forbid the worrying condition, the state is approaching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
essential steps and one of them is an enhancement of taxes on convenience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Thus
, I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
opinion. As in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world, it is one of the most
Make sure that the adjective 'sparkling' is correct. Possibly, it should be an adverb (typically ~ly) that modifies 'heated'. Possibly, it should be the first word in a compound adjective (hyphenated adjective). Possibly, it is correct.
sparkling heated
debates. I believe that our leaders should have an eye for finding out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other solutions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
increasing the taxes on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
will not hamper the ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
intake.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, as we know that, our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are the prime customers for the convenience meals, where most of them are unaware of devastating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
hazards of eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. At the same time we can ask, is it their fault? I don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. They should
be made
aware of the long-term consequences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
consumption and it is plausible in several ways.
For example
, broadcasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
related adverts on children’s TV channels, introducing topics into their conventional education regarding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
effects on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
taking.
In addition
to, parents could play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in combating this worldwide problem by giving their children proper advice and guidelines of having balance diet.

Moreover
, nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are leading a busy pace of life.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
they
scarcely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of their regular diet, even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them have no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about what they are eating.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
The verb 'depending' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are depending
on takeaway meals for their daily livelihood. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should impose
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
on the working schedules
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that folks could enjoy their meals with adequate nutritious knowledge.

To conclude
, in
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
global areas folks are becoming more habituated to convenience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
despite
Possible spelling mistake. 'realising' is British English.
realising
that they will suffer from heart diseases, obesity and
Possible spelling mistake. 'dyslipidaemia' is British English.
dyslipidaemia
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
near future, where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
raising the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
revenue will not slow down the tasty and unsafe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
consumption.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is, therefore, necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. v. 52

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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