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Traditional schooling is out of date, boring and stifles a child’s natural talents, various professionals have pushed for an education revolution. Are there alternatives in the education system? Is traditional education doing more harm than good? v.2

Traditional schooling is out of date, boring and stifles a child’s natural talents, various professionals have pushed for an education revolution. Are there alternatives in the education system? Is traditional education doing more harm than good? v. 2
The conventional rote method of learning is often considered to be so dull as to discourage full development of young people’s innate abilities. This essay agrees with the view that the current pedagogy is outdated, and will consider an alternative to traditional education. While ordinarily, children are expected to retain pre approved information dictated by a teacher, a self-directed approach can be more beneficial. Holding all children to the same standard will necessarily have a divisive result, with some children believing themselves to be intellectually superior, and others feeling inadequate, perhaps for life. In systems in which achievement is relative, such as in Finland for example, young people graduate from education each feeling as if they have completed their own unique path, and knowing deeply and without prejudice their own capabilities, reducing or even eliminating the feelings of inequality that conventional education creates. Furthermore, under the current system, students who lack aptitude in core subjects such as mathematics and the sciences are seen as having less intrinsic value to society. These children spend their lives believing that they are inadequate, but many may have valuable talents that were never explored. It is in this way that conventional education does the most harm, by ignoring niche abilities in favour of skills with more mass appeal. Comparing traditional education with the Finnish system of self-direction, we can see that the former is certainly causing harm to a significant number of pupils. To conclude, changes are urgently required in education systems around the world. We should focus more on a child’s interests and innate abilities in order to maintain their engagement, and allow them to direct their own learning to achieve the best outcomes.
The conventional rote method of learning is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
considered to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
dull as to discourage full development of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s innate abilities. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the view that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
pedagogy
is outdated
, and will consider an alternative to traditional education.

While
ordinarily
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to retain
This word is normally spelled as one.
pre approved
information dictated by a teacher, a self-directed approach can be more beneficial. Holding all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to the same standard will
necessarily
have a divisive result, with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
believing themselves to be
intellectually
superior,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
feeling inadequate, perhaps for life. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
in which achievement is relative, such as in Finland
for example
, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
graduate from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
each feeling as if they have completed their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
unique path, and knowing
deeply
and without prejudice their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
capabilities, reducing or even eliminating the feelings of inequality that conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
creates.

Furthermore
, under the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
, students who lack aptitude in core subjects such as mathematics and the sciences are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as having less intrinsic value to society. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
believing that they are inadequate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Possible agreement error. The noun may seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much may", "a good deal of may".
many may
have valuable talents that were never explored. It is in this way that conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
does the most harm, by ignoring niche abilities in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
with more mass appeal. Comparing traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
with the Finnish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
of self-direction, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the former is
certainly
causing harm to a significant number of pupils.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
are
urgently
required in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
around the world. We should focus more on a child’s interests and innate abilities in order to maintain their engagement, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to direct their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
learning to achieve the best outcomes.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay Traditional schooling is out of date, boring and stifles a child’s natural talents, various professionals have pushed for an education revolution. Are there alternatives in the education system? Is traditional education doing more harm than good? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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