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Some people believe when famous people support international aid it makes the general public think about it Others think they make the problem less important Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.1

Some people believe when famous people support international aid it makes the general public think about it Others think they make the problem less important 1
It is increasingly common that celebrities and sport stars promote international charitable events. While Some thought that they do it to popularize those events, Others think this action, Consequently, led to public stigma, That it is no longer an urgent to support those events. In this essay, I will discuss both contradicting statements using current evidence that supports it. On one hand, Celebrities control the supportive power of their fans. Celebrities are considered as a role model for societies, Because they are regarded as an example of successful person. Thus, Large percentage of fans will mimic the movement of a certain popular character. Everything they do in their daily life are constantly being copied by their followers. Furthermore, If they give inspirational lecture on the public eye, Consequently, their fan-base from all over the world will follow that trend and will promote that message even further to their relatives. Although, plenty of famous people promote violence and anti-Christian movement, and their fans tends to follow them obliviously, there are still some who survive and actually impact the world positively. Popular character must protect and give a good trend to their fan-base, Because their action will be imitated by their followers. On the other hand, The presence of famous figures tends to make publicly refuse to care. The majority thinks that the support of a famous artist is ample for the endowing grouping, because most of artist donate a humongous amount of money into the co-operation. Otherwise, they only donate their verbal contribution towards the institution rather than donating their private wealth. It often led to the failure of a charity because publicly refuse to donate their's to the institution. A research that is conducted on a private charitable management that help starving peasants in Africa stated that their income decline significantly after a campaign was conducted by several celebrities. Therefore, Not all monetary funds of a charity could be solved by inviting and persuade star figure to promote your charity. To conclude, Despite the good intention from famous figures, public often responds to a different perception than the prior intention. Therefore, before you launch a campaign about a philanthropic event, One must consider every single aspect of risk regarding the effect of the campaign itself.
It is
increasingly
common that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
and sport stars
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
promote
international charitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that they do it to popularize those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
, Others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this action,
Consequently
, led to public stigma, That it is no longer an urgent to support those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
. In this essay, I will discuss both contradicting statements using
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
evidence that supports it.

On one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Celebrities
control the supportive power of their fans.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Celebrities
are considered
as a role model for societies,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they
are regarded
as an example of successful person.
Thus
, Large percentage of fans will mimic the movement of a certain popular character. Everything they do in their daily life are
constantly
being copied
by their followers.
Furthermore
, If they give inspirational lecture on the public eye,
Consequently
, their fan-base from all over the world will follow that trend and will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
promote
that message even
further
to their relatives. Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
promote
violence and anti-Christian movement, and their fans tends to follow them
obliviously
, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
who survive and actually impact the world
positively
. Popular character
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
protect and give a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
trend to their fan-base,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
their action will
be imitated
by their followers.

On the other hand
, The presence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
figures tends to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
publicly
refuse to care. The majority
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that the support of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
artist is ample for the endowing grouping,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Consider using "most artist" or "most of the artist".
most of artist
donate a humongous amount of money into the co-operation.
Otherwise
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
donate their verbal contribution towards the institution
rather
than donating their private wealth. It
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
led to the failure of a charity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
publicly
refuse to donate
Did you mean "their" or "theirs"?
their's
to the institution.
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
A research
that
is conducted
on a private charitable management that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to starve" or "starve".
starving
peasants in Africa stated that their income decline
significantly
after a campaign
was conducted
by several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
.
Therefore
, Not all monetary funds of a charity could
be solved
by inviting and persuade star figure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
promote
your charity.

To conclude
, Despite the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
intention from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
figures, public
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
responds to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perception than the prior intention.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
you launch a campaign about a philanthropic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
, One
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
consider every single aspect of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
regarding the effect of the campaign itself.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe when famous people support international aid it makes the general public think about it Others think they make the problem less important 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
375 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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