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Traditional medicine, such as acupuncture and herbal remedies, is very popular in some countries. Those who practise traditional medicine claim that it is better than modern medicine in maintaining and improving health. Do you agree or disagree with this v v.2

Traditional medicine, such as acupuncture and herbal remedies, is very popular in some countries. Those who practise traditional medicine claim that it is better than modern medicine in maintaining and improving health. with this v v. 2
There are some countries, where traditional medicine has deep roots and has been used to treat different diseases since long time ago. According to adepts of traditional methods of treatment, modern medicine concedes to traditional one in terms of efficiency and harmlessness. I can’t agree with this point of view and my position will be explained in this essay. Firstly, traditional ways of treatment might not be as effective as synthetic remedies are, which means lost time for a patient. It could work for light problems, while for severe sicknesses this could mean lower chances to recover. For example, cancer progresses really fast and every week without proven treatment could mean a patient’s life. Secondly, as traditional medicine often does not require official recipes, the uncontrollable usage could be a case. This could lead to undesired results for a patient and could even worsen the physical condition of a person. For example, taking some herbs, like mint, could be highly risky for a pregnant woman and her fetus, that’s why taking any remedies should be strictly under specialist’s control. It should be said that traditional medicine proves to be a trustworthy solution for some people, providing slow, but gentle impact on an organism. Often it seems to be cheaper as well, which could be compensated by the extended duration and need to replenish the stock of pills. But when it comes to a serious problem, in many cases only modern medicine could help to solve the health issue. To summarise, it could be concluded that despite some benefits of the traditional approach in medicine, when it comes to a need for a proven effect, the scientific approach should be preferred. I believe, in the future, the importance of modern medicine would probably become even higher due to continious improvement by scientists and medics.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
has deep roots and has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to treat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
diseases since long time ago. According to adepts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
methods of treatment, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
concedes to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
one in terms of efficiency and harmlessness. I can’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view and my position will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in this essay.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
ways of treatment might not be as effective as synthetic remedies are, which means lost time for a patient. It could work for light problems, while for severe sicknesses this could mean lower chances to recover.
For example
, cancer progresses
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and every week without proven treatment could mean a patient’s life.

Secondly
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
does not require official recipes, the uncontrollable usage could be a case. This could lead to undesired results for a patient and could even worsen the physical condition of a person.
For example
, taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
herbs, like mint, could be
highly
risky for a pregnant woman and her fetus, that’s why taking any remedies should be
strictly
under specialist’s control.

It should
be said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
proves to be a trustworthy solution for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, providing slow,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
gentle impact on an organism.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Often
it seems to be cheaper
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
well, which could
be compensated
by the extended duration and need to replenish the stock of pills.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to a serious problem, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to solve the health issue.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, it could
be concluded
that despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
approach in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to a need for a proven effect, the scientific approach should
be preferred
. I believe, in the future, the importance of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
would
probably
become even higher due to
Possible spelling mistake found.
continious
improvement by scientists and medics.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Traditional medicine, such as acupuncture and herbal remedies, is very popular in some countries. Those who practise traditional medicine claim that it is better than modern medicine in maintaining and improving health. with this v v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
303 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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