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Traditional medicine, such as acupuncture and herbal remedies, is very popular in some countries. Those who practise traditional medicine claim that it is better than modern medicine in maintaining and improving health. Do you agree or disagree with this v v.1

Traditional medicine, such as acupuncture and herbal remedies, is very popular in some countries. Those who practise traditional medicine claim that it is better than modern medicine in maintaining and improving health. with this v v. 1
The enormous drain on health services and the loss of life could be attributed to smoking. One way of combating this trend is to prohibit the usage. The benefit of making smoking unlawful is that, it will enable smokers stop the habit. I suggest that the authority should enforce strict laws such as imprisonment for anyone found guilty. However, there may be drawbacks to be taken into account. One major upside to government making smoking illegal is that it will make people quit the habit. In other words, individuals who smoke will desist from it because of the consequences they will face when they continue. In addition, people would be less prone to health challenges and death, which largely results from smoking. For example, The government of the Netherlands, in 2005 started the screening of immigrants with this practice before entry into the country. This has contributed to the reduction in lung cancer as against the previous years. So, this is a huge plus if it can be done in other countries. One potential problem in making smoking illegal is that the rate of crime will increase. This is because some individuals will be in a euphoric state when committing crime and will not be aware of their actions and this can cause loss of life and properties. A recent report released by the Nigerian Police revealed that about 80 percent of criminal offences is as a result of unlawful smoking by people. However, one alternative suggestion I believe will go a long way to curb this menace is that the authorities should pass a strict law on smoking and sanctions such as imprisonment for anyone who breaks the law. If this is done, it will greatly reduce smoking and health issues in the long run. In conclusion, although there are merits in making smoking unlawful, the rate of crime is a major setback to it. However, the government can enact laws that will curb this menace.
The enormous drain on health services and the loss of life could
be attributed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
. One way of combating this trend is to prohibit the usage. The benefit of making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
unlawful is that, it will enable smokers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the habit. I suggest that the authority should enforce strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
such as imprisonment for anyone found guilty.
However
, there may be drawbacks to
be taken
into account.

One major upside to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
illegal is that it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
quit the habit.
In other words
, individuals who smoke will desist from it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the consequences they will face when they continue.
In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would be less prone to health challenges and death, which
largely
results from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
.
For example
, The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of the Netherlands, in 2005
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
the screening of immigrants with this practice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
entry into the country. This has contributed to the reduction in lung cancer as against the previous years.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this is a huge plus if it can
be done
in other countries.

One potential problem in making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
illegal is that the rate of crime will increase. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals will be in a euphoric state when committing crime and will not be aware of their actions and this can cause loss of life and properties. A recent report released by the Nigerian Police revealed that about 80 percent of criminal
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
is
as a result
of unlawful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

However
, one alternative suggestion I believe will go a long way to curb this menace is that the authorities should pass a strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
and sanctions such as imprisonment for anyone who breaks the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
. If this
is done
, it will
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
and health issues in the long run.

In conclusion
, although there are merits in making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
unlawful, the rate of crime is a major setback to it.
However
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can enact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
that will curb this menace.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Traditional medicine, such as acupuncture and herbal remedies, is very popular in some countries. Those who practise traditional medicine claim that it is better than modern medicine in maintaining and improving health. with this v v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
327 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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