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the chart show the amount of time that 10 to 15-years-olds spend chatting on the Internet and playing on the games consoles on the average school day in the UK. v.1

the chart show the amount of time that 10 to 15-years-olds spend chatting on the Internet and playing on the games consoles on the average school day in the UK. v. 1
Since the advent of technology, most industries have become dominated by it which has also affected the home front. In recent times, research has shown that a lot of children would rather spend most of their time playing computer games rather than engaging in sport activities. This is due to several factors which will be highlighted in this essay. One major factor responsible for less interest is lack of interpersonal skills amongst youngsters. For instance, in the mid-century, there were often activities organized at schools or social clubs for parents where children are included. This usually allows there to be interactive sessions among the children. However, this is lacking in the present century, therefore, teenagers would rather engage in actions that will not require communicating with others such as online games instead on sports which promotes such. Similarly, due to the perpetual increase in the standard of living, parents mostly work beyond the stipulated working hours while some work two or more jobs to be able to meet up with their family obligations. So, in order to make up for their absence or to display their affection, they purchase these electronic gadgets or other preferred items which enhance anti-social behaviour. This development is definitely a negative one because participating in physical actions such as sports helps in the long run in terms of encouraging fitness and healthy lifestyle as well as cooperative skills which are of utmost importance in the workplace. In conclusion, parents should put checks on their children if video games are a must and encourage more physical and social enterprise. Likewise, educational institutions should include physical education in their curriculum and government should monitor the technologies being imported into the country as the future of the country lies in the coming generations.
Since the advent of technology, most industries have become dominated by it which has
also
affected
the home front. In recent times, research has shown that
a lot of
children
would
rather
spend most of their time playing computer games
rather
than engaging in sport activities. This is due to several factors which will
be highlighted
in this essay.

One major factor responsible for less interest is lack of interpersonal
skills
amongst youngsters.
For instance
, in the mid-century, there were
often
activities organized at schools or social clubs for parents where
children
are included
. This
usually
allows
there to be interactive sessions
among
the
children
.
However
, this is lacking in the present century,
therefore
,
teenagers
would
rather
engage in actions that will not require communicating with others such as online games
instead
on sports which promotes such.

Similarly
, due to the perpetual increase in the standard of living, parents
mostly
work beyond the stipulated working hours while
some
work two or more jobs to be able to
meet
up with their family obligations.
So
, in order to
make
up for their absence or to display their affection, they
purchase
these electronic gadgets or other preferred items which enhance anti-social
behaviour
.

This development is definitely a
negative
one
because
participating in physical actions such as sports
helps
in the long run in terms of encouraging fitness and healthy lifestyle
as well
as cooperative
skills
which are of utmost importance in the workplace.

In conclusion
, parents should put
checks
on their
children
if video games are a
must
and encourage more physical and social enterprise.
Likewise
, educational institutions should include physical education in their curriculum and
government
should monitor the technologies
being imported
into the country as the future of the country lies in the coming generations.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay the chart show the amount of time that 10 to 15-years-olds spend chatting on the Internet and playing on the games consoles on the average school day in the UK. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
295 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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