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TPO9 Q1 Talk about an important experience that you recently had Describe what happened and explain why it was important to you v.1

TPO9 Q1 Talk about an important experience that you recently had Describe what happened and explain why it was important to you v. 1
Health is a valuable resource to lead a good life. If the people of the country are healthy, then the nation will automatically progress. Some echelons of the society opine that legal authority should take responsibility of their countrymen's health, while others say that people should take care of their health on their own. I shall discuss both the views and also give my opinion in the forthcoming paragraphs. To commute with, people can nourish themselves in many ways. Firstly, they can make a diet plan for themselves. According to this diet plan, they should eat, green vegetables, fresh fruits and drink a lot of water every day to become healthier. Thirdly, individuals feel more refreshed after having a good sleep. So, everyone should take at least eight hours sleep in a day. Moreover, they should avoid junk meat to stay fit and healthy. Furthermore, humans should go for a walk daily. They can do physical exercises to balance their body parts. Apart from this, people should laugh more and more to live a stress free and healthy soul. On the other hand, government should provide a fine meal to their countrymen. As fast meal puts detrimental effects on human fitness, so elective bodies should ban fast cuisine points. Authorities should provide the best doctors and medical facilities to their citizens. They should organise free medical camps for regular check up of every individual. To conclude, I would say that government should provide basic facilities like parks, gyms and Multispeciality hospitals to people, so that they can lead a healthy heart; but on the other hand, people should also be aware of the benefits of leading a fit and healthy activity. In spite of being dependent on others for a good health, they must take care of themselves.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
is a valuable resource to lead a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
life. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the country are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
, then the nation will
automatically
progress.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
echelons of the society opine that legal authority should take responsibility of their countrymen's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, while others say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. I shall discuss both the views and
also
give my opinion in the forthcoming paragraphs.

To commute with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can nourish themselves in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.
Firstly
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a diet plan for themselves. According to this diet plan, they should eat, green vegetables, fresh fruits and drink
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
water every day to become healthier.
Thirdly
, individuals feel more refreshed after having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
sleep.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, everyone should take at least eight hours sleep in a day.
Moreover
, they should avoid junk meat to stay fit and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
.
Furthermore
, humans should go for a walk daily. They can do physical exercises to balance their body parts. Apart from this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should laugh more and more to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
free and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
soul.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should provide a fine meal to their countrymen. As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
meal puts detrimental effects on human fitness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
elective bodies should ban
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
cuisine points. Authorities should provide the best doctors and medical facilities to their citizens. They should
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
free medical camps for regular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
up of every individual.

To conclude
, I would say that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should provide basic facilities like parks, gyms and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Multispeciality
hospitals to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can lead a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
heart;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
also
be aware of the benefits of leading a fit and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
activity.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
being dependent on others for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take care of themselves.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay TPO9 Q1 Talk about an important experience that you recently had Describe what happened and explain why it was important to you v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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