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TPO 09 - Question 1 Talk about an important experience that you recently had. Describe what happened and explain why it was important to you. v.1

TPO 09 - Question 1 Talk about an important experience that you recently had. Describe what happened and explain why it was important to you. v. 1
The world is changing with the changing technology. But the cost of this fast growing change cannot be overlooked. Therefore, few masses opine that money should be spent on necessary things such as rudimentary amenities rather than research on space. I agree with this and the viewpoints are elaborated in the impending paragraphs. Space exploration includes searching the living on different planets and sending satellites to different orbits, which charge too much cost. For example, the recent project of Mars consumed 400 crore. So this is not bad, but the world is living with many issues, which are much more important than this. For instance, unemployment, poverty, illiteracy and so on. If money would be spent on these things first than the living on earth would be easier. Discussing the same, if these problems would solve by the government then it would give boost to the local markets because the supply of money would increase and also citizens would have enough money to invest, so these things reduce the problem. However, it is not said that not a single penny should be spent on research. Science is the only way to develop the technology. So, it is necessary to locate some money to research sector too, but to the limited extent, so that no nation would be deprived of the opportunities of being developed To conclude, money should be spent on necessities first and then experiments on earth should be done, so as to ease the life of people on earth, not on the other planets.
The world is changing with the changing technology.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the cost of this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
growing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
cannot
be overlooked
.
Therefore
, few masses opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on necessary things such as rudimentary amenities
rather
than research on space. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this and the viewpoints
are elaborated
in the impending paragraphs.

Space exploration includes searching the living on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
planets and sending satellites to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
orbits, which charge too much cost.
For example
, the recent project of Mars consumed 400
Possible agreement error. The noun 'crore' seems to be countable, so consider using: "crores".
crore
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
this is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the world is living with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
issues, which are much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than this.
For instance
, unemployment, poverty, illiteracy and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
Consider removing 'would'. (Usually, 'would' does not occur in a conditional clause, unless to make a request or give a polite order.)
would be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on these things
Use "(first)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
first
than the living on earth would be easier.

Discussing the same, if these problems would solve by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
then it would give boost to the local markets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the supply of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
would increase and
also
citizens would have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to invest,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
these things
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the problem.
However
, it is not said that not a single penny should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on research. Science is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to develop the technology.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is necessary to locate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to research sector too,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to the limited extent,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that no nation would
be deprived
of the opportunities of
being developed


To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on necessities
first
and then experiments on earth should
be done
,
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
the life of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
on earth, not on the other planets.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 09 - Question 1 Talk about an important experience that you recently had. Describe what happened and explain why it was important to you. v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
256 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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