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Scientists believe computers will become more intelligent than human beings Some people think the development have a positive impact others think it is negative To what extend do you agree or disagree v.1

Scientists believe computers will become more intelligent than human beings Some people think the development have a positive impact others think it is negative v. 1
The prevalence of consuming sugar drinks has been a growing concern over the last few years. While this trend has caused some problems, some ways could be considered in addressing the problem. From the perspective of the principal reasons behind the rise in sugar-based drinks, sugar is so addictive that many people find it impossible to quit consuming soft drinks or sugar-based beverages. For example, those who stop drinking a beverage with added sugar for a short period might experience some common symptoms such as headache, fast heart beating, or poor concentration. In addition, sugar-based drinks are so convenient for customers to take away at a reasonable price. For example, those who are busy with their schedule might find these soft drinks easily through convenience stores or supermarkets, boosting up their energy. Moreover, the beverage companies also attract more customers through their marketing campaigns such as promotion discounts by the package of soft drinks. In terms of the principle of solutions, a number of approaches can be taken to reduce the consumption. In the first place, by raising the tax scheme to the beverage companies, customer might think twice before buying a coke or soda. This leads to the reduction of consumption on soft drinks in the market, which makes people less addicted to these drinks. In the second place, another measure would be to limit the advertisement promoting sugar-added drinks that are directly to young people and children. Instead, there should be more programs and posters that educate on healthy eating and the health risks associated with the excessive consumption of sugar-based drinks. In conclusion, although this trend has caused some problems for individuals and communities, it is necessary for us to take some actions in tackling this issue.
The prevalence of consuming sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
has been a growing concern over the last few years. While this trend has caused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways could
be considered
in addressing the problem.

From the perspective of the principal reasons behind the rise in sugar-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
, sugar is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
addictive that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
find it impossible to quit consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
or sugar-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beverages
.
For example
, those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
drinking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beverage
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
sugar for a short period might experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
common symptoms such as headache,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
heart beating, or poor concentration.
In addition
, sugar-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
convenient for customers to take away at a reasonable price.
For example
, those who are busy with their schedule might find these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
easily
through convenience stores or supermarkets, boosting up their energy.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beverage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
also
attract more customers through their marketing campaigns such as promotion discounts by the package of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
soft
drinks.

In terms of the principle of solutions, a number of approaches can
be taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the consumption. In the
first
place, by raising the tax scheme to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beverage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, customer might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
twice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
buying a coke or soda. This leads to the reduction of consumption on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
in the market, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
less addicted to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
. In the second place, another measure would be to limit the advertisement promoting sugar-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
that are
directly
to young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and children.
Instead
, there should be more programs and posters that educate on healthy eating and the health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
associated with the excessive consumption of sugar-based drinks.

In conclusion
, although this trend has caused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems for individuals and communities, it is necessary for us to take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
actions in tackling this issue.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Scientists believe computers will become more intelligent than human beings Some people think the development have a positive impact others think it is negative v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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