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TPO9 #1- Talk about an important experience that you recently had. Describe what happened and explain why it was important to you. v.1

TPO9 #1- Talk about an important experience that you recently had. Describe what happened and explain why it was important to you. v. 1
In the world of juxtaposed nations, several countries will benefit from international cooperation. Global support has been considered to be the only solution to most of urgent problems. This essay will discuss why I moderately agree with this proposition with argument against its sole responsibility in some kinds of problem. To begin with, cooperation on global scales helps a certain country to effectively solve its urgent matter. For example, global warming remains a heated environmental issue because of its potentially disastrous consequences. This phenomenon can be caused huge amount of carbon dioxide, hence it is essential that international actions should be called soon. In addition, radioactive sources will spread in nuclear radiation accidents. Although it may be seen as a locally affected problem, global attention should be encouraged. But would all immediate problems be solved only by global joint actions? However, some kinds of urgent matters can not only be solved by intercontinental cooperation but also by nationwide measures. Specifically, educational issues do not require actions from other countries. If government cannot solve internal problems like building sustainable educational system, they will lose their citizen’s belief, let alone managing country. Similarly, national authorities should not let structural corruption be intervened by foreign organizations for the sake of national security. As a result, some corporations make use of international cooperation to damage citizen’s patriotism. To conclude, this essay argued while most of immediate matters can be only tackled on global scales, some urgent problems should first be solved by their own government. In my opinion, I moderately agree with this proposition as not all such problems need worldwide actions.
In the world of juxtaposed nations, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will benefit from international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Global
support has
been considered
to be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
solution to most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urgent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. This essay will discuss why I
moderately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this proposition with argument against its sole responsibility in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kinds of problem.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
scales
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to
effectively
solve its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urgent
matter.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
warming remains a heated environmental issue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its
potentially
disastrous consequences. This phenomenon can
be caused
huge amount of carbon dioxide,
hence
it is essential that international actions should
be called
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.
In addition
, radioactive sources will spread in nuclear radiation accidents. Although it may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a
locally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
attention should
be encouraged
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
would all immediate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
be solved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
joint actions?

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urgent
matters can not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
be solved
by intercontinental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
by nationwide measures.
Specifically
, educational issues do not require actions from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
cannot solve internal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
like building sustainable educational system, they will lose their citizen’s belief,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
alone managing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Similarly
, national authorities should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
structural corruption
be intervened
by foreign organizations for the sake of national security.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
corporations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
to damage citizen’s patriotism.

To conclude
, this essay argued while most of immediate matters can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
tackled on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
scales,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urgent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
should
first
be solved
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. In my opinion, I
moderately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this proposition as not all such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
need worldwide actions.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO9 #1- Talk about an important experience that you recently had. Describe what happened and explain why it was important to you. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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