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TPO9-Q1: Talk about an important experience that you recently had. Describe what happened and explain why it was important to you. v.1

TPO9-Q1: Talk about an important experience that you recently had. Describe what happened and explain why it was important to you. v. 1
In these days, There is a trend that, individuals those who want to excel in their career are moving to foreign countries and even there are few other reasons too behind this happening. The people, who are excelling in studies and adroit in their field of work are moving to other countries to work. This is because of so many reasons and it will lead to a few problems, which are clearly explained in the following paragraphs. To commence with, these days employees are looking for a good work culture and exposure to develop themselves in their respective professions. To achieve this, people are finding ways by shifting to other parts of the world. For instance, a survey conducted by the "Times" on the people reveals that, in Europe the majority of professional people are coming to excel their knowledge in upcoming technologies. Which is why more and more people are attracted to establish their future in abroad. The second main reason for this is, People want to earn much more money compared to what they are getting now for that reason only working professionals are choosing the countries which pays a good package for them. For example, The stats by an employment agency states that, a software programmer annual pay in the USA is around 3 times more than in India who is having safe profile. So, people want to earn more to achieve this, they are opting to go with this option. There are few hidden disadvantages in this. If people are moved to serve the other nations instead of their own, it will affect the growth of the nation which is already having scarce in skilled people which will affect the progress of the country and also its people. For, the stats states that Bangladesh is facing such an issue and it is loosing about 1% of GDP because of this which is the worst among all other countries. To summarise, It is good for a nation to have abundant skilled and educated workforce to develop economically. This trend is having its reasons and obviously, the nations which are having scarce in the professional work force will get effected financially.
In these days, There is a trend that, individuals those who want to excel in their career are moving to foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and even there are few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
too behind this happening. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who are excelling in studies and adroit in their field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
are moving to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
and it will lead to a few problems, which are
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in the following paragraphs.

To commence with, these days employees are looking for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
culture and exposure to develop themselves in their respective professions. To achieve this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are finding ways by shifting to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
parts of the world.
For instance
, a survey conducted by the
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Times
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
reveals
that, in Europe the majority of professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are coming to excel their knowledge in upcoming technologies. Which is why more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are attracted
to establish their future in abroad.

The second main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for this is,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
want to earn much more money compared to what they are getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
for that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
working professionals are choosing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which pays a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
package for them.
For example
, The stats by an employment agency states that, a software programmer annual pay in the USA is around 3 times more than in India who is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
safe profile.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to earn more to achieve this, they are opting to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
go with
this option.

There are few hidden disadvantages in this. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to serve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
instead
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, it will affect the growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
which is already
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
scarce in skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which will affect the progress of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and
also
its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. For, the stats states that Bangladesh is facing such an issue and it is loosing about 1% of GDP
because of this
which is the worst among all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
to have abundant skilled and educated workforce to develop
economically
. This trend is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
and
obviously
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
which are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
scarce in the professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
force will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
effected
financially
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO9-Q1: Talk about an important experience that you recently had. Describe what happened and explain why it was important to you. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
363 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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