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TPO9- Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

TPO9- Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
Many of the professionals spend a majority of their day in office. Online meeting and training is gaining popularity. I believe, as new computer technology is becoming readily available, their benefits are vast, and we should also adapt to these. Firstly, if we conduct business activities over the internet, it saves time. Time is very crucial in this competitive business environment. In other words, we have a finite amount of time in a day and going to a physical room and waiting for associates and teachers is a waste. For instance, traditional learning needs people to be in a group, whereas, now you can learn online at any point and at your own pace. In addition, people are usually late for meetings, this leads to a lot of wasted time. On the other hand, if we use the internet, you are always at your desk and you can join anytime. Secondly, these activities take a lot of money and infrastructure. This can be freed up by the use of the internet. For example, big companies spend millions on huge conference rooms. Although they need them for large meetings, mostly, they are vacant. As a result, their money is tied to a resource, which is hardly used. Furthermore, Online teachings can be delivered to any amount of employees at any point. Such as, the company onboarding program that is recorded only once and shown to any new hire. To conclude, There are a lot of advantages of moving business activities like teaching and conferences online. This not only saves money, but time too.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of the professionals spend a majority of their day in office.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Online
meeting and training is gaining popularity. I believe, as new computer technology is becoming
readily
available, their benefits are vast, and we should
also
adapt to these.

Firstly
, if we conduct business activities over the internet, it saves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Time
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial in this competitive business environment.
In other words
, we have a finite amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in a day and going to a physical room and waiting for associates and teachers is a waste.
For instance
, traditional learning needs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to be in a group, whereas,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
you can learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
at any point and at your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pace.
In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
usually
late for meetings, this leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
wasted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
On the other hand
, if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet, you are always at your desk and you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
anytime.

Secondly
, these activities take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money and infrastructure. This can
be freed
up by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the internet.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
spend millions on huge conference rooms. Although they need them for large meetings,
mostly
, they are vacant.
As a result
, their money
is tied
to a resource, which is hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Online
teachings can
be delivered
to any amount of employees at any point. Such as, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
onboarding program that
is recorded
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
once and shown to any new hire.

To conclude
, There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
advantages of moving business activities like teaching and conferences
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. This not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
saves money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
too.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO9- Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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