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TPO 9 Independent task Do you agree or disagree with the following statement Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v.1

TPO 9 Independent task Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 1
Setting a retirement age has always been a debatable issue. While some opine that individuals after reaching the age of 65 years should be restrained from working, others believe that such restriction is useless, and hence, should not be imposed. This essay will discuss both views and will argue in favour that restriction associated with age is impractical as it will restrict the most knowledgeable and productive employees of the organisation, from performing their duties. It is clear that aged employees are beneficial for the organisation as they have invaluable experience and proficiency. They can contribute this knowledge in boosting the productivity and profitability of the company. This is to say, older people have inculcated skills, knowledge and understanding through years of work, thus, they can help with providing optimal decisions in several fields. To elucidate, a recent study done by The Times showed that most successful organisations had a large portion of their workforce working for them for at least 15 years. However, some disagree with this notion and believe that age related health issues would burden the company with medical expenses. In other words, elderlies have health problems, such as diabetes, osteoporosis, joint pains and blood pressure, which not only restricts them from performing their tasks actively and efficaciously, but also puts a financial burden on the organisation. Thus, they are viewed as a liability and should be asked to discontinue. To exemplify, a recent study conducted by The New York Times showed that more than 80 percent of management prefers younger employees as medical costs incurred on elderlies are a major cause of concern. To conclude, while the benefit of working in older age is a positive trend as they are an asset to companies with their boundless erudition, while some still feel that they should not be allowed to work as they suffer from physical problems. However, I vehemently agree that people above the age of 65 must be authorized to work because of their level of understanding and expertise which is rewarding and fruitful for companies.
Setting a retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
has always been a debatable issue. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
opine that individuals after reaching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 65 years should
be restrained
from working, others believe that such restriction is useless, and
hence
, should not
be imposed
. This essay will discuss both views and will argue in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
that restriction associated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is impractical as it will restrict the most knowledgeable and productive employees of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
, from performing their duties.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that aged employees are beneficial for the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
as they have invaluable experience and proficiency. They can contribute this knowledge in boosting the productivity and profitability of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. This is to say, older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have inculcated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, knowledge and understanding through years of work,
thus
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
with providing optimal decisions in several fields. To elucidate, a recent study done by The Times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that most successful
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
had a large portion of their workforce working for them for at least 15 years.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disagree with this notion and believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
related health issues would burden the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
with medical expenses.
In other words
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
elderlies
have health problems, such as diabetes, osteoporosis, joint pains and blood pressure, which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
restricts them from performing their tasks
actively
and
efficaciously
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
puts a financial burden on the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
.
Thus
, they
are viewed
as a liability and should
be asked
to discontinue. To exemplify, a recent study conducted by The New York Times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that more than 80 percent of management prefers younger employees as medical costs incurred on
Possible spelling mistake found.
elderlies
are a major cause of concern.

To conclude
, while the benefit of working in older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend as they are an asset to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
with their boundless erudition, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
still
feel that they should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to work as they suffer from physical problems.
However
, I
vehemently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
above the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 65
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be authorized
to work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their level of understanding and expertise which is rewarding and fruitful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 9 Independent task Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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