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TPO2- Q2- Some college students choose to take courses in a variety of subject areas in order to get a broad education. Others choose to focus on a single subject area in order to have a deeper understanding of that area. Which approach to course selectio v.1

TPO2- Q2- Some college students choose to take courses in a variety of subject areas in order to get a broad education. Others choose to focus on a single subject area in order to have a deeper understanding of that area. Which approach to course selectio v. 1
It is an undeniable fact that the schools concentrate more on conventional subjects than modern ones. According to one pool of thoughts, the schools should be able to impart useful knowledge that aids in searching employment. This essay shall discuss this notion along with my opinion in forthcoming paragraphs. The issue of unemployment is faced by many people worldwide. Therefore, if students are taught the skills and information required for modern occupations, it will curb this issue. For example, if children who belong to families which live below the poverty line are taught some skills for plumbing or carpentry, it will be fruitful for them. In addition to this, conventional subjects like history are boring and students have to do rote learning just for the sake of clearing exams. These subjects are not found interesting at all which leads to stress due to increase in the burden. For instance, 70% of students are encountering stress due to lack of interest in such subjects. However, the proponents of traditional subjects believe that these subjects form the pillars of education. To prove this point, they argue that history helps to know the mistakes and lessons of the past that will aid in planning future. Pondering upon both the sides, I come to conclusion that pupils should be taught the skill set designed to provide jobs in future promisingly. Besides, the conventional subjects can be made optional, so that they can choose to learn due to interest and not under any kind of compulsion.
It is an undeniable fact that the schools concentrate more on conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
than modern ones. According to one pool of thoughts, the schools should be able to impart useful knowledge that aids in searching employment. This essay shall discuss this notion along with my opinion in forthcoming paragraphs.

The issue of unemployment
is faced
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
worldwide.
Therefore
, if students
are taught
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and information required for modern occupations, it will curb this issue.
For example
, if children who belong to families which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
below the poverty line
are taught
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for plumbing or carpentry, it will be fruitful for them.
In addition
to this, conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like history are boring and students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do rote learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for the sake of clearing exams. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are not found interesting at all which leads to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
due to increase in the burden.
For instance
, 70% of students are encountering
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
due to lack of interest in such subjects.

However
, the proponents of traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
believe that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
form the pillars of education. To prove this point, they argue that history
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to know the mistakes and lessons of the past that will aid in planning future.

Pondering upon both the sides, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to conclusion that pupils should
be taught
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
set designed to provide jobs in future
promisingly
.
Besides
, the conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
can
be made
optional,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can choose to learn due to interest and not under any kind of compulsion.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO2- Q2- Some college students choose to take courses in a variety of subject areas in order to get a broad education. Others choose to focus on a single subject area in order to have a deeper understanding of that area. Which approach to course selectio v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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