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What do you consider the most important characteristic in a teacher? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

What do you consider the most important characteristic in a teacher? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
In recent decades, the crime rate has been increasing over the world, causing some public controversy. Although some argue that prison is the best way in dealing with offenders, I completely agree with those who believe that providing better education for people are more effective overall. There are a number of reasons why prison sentences are not efficient when it comes to dealing with criminal acts. First, In order to provide food and shelters for criminals, resources, such as money and land, are of importance. If the authority use these resources to create more jobs for citizens, there will be fewer crime cases as the majority of criminals have to break the law just to make a living. Second, it is clear that not all illegal activities can cause damage to other people. For example, an individual who steels a breed in a supermarket cannot harm anyone, therefore he should be fined instead of being imprisoned. Education for people would be the workable solution to tackle crime. In fact, plenty of evidence has indicated that almost offenders are lack of schooling when they was young. For instance, by providing courses about the laws for everyone, regardless of their social status, the public awareness on this issue would be raised, helping them avoid becoming criminals. In addition, offering training courses allows prisoners to find a job more easily when they are released. By having a profession, ex-criminals would not cross the line again, which reduces the crime rate. In conclusion, equipping knowledge for citizens is a more practical measure to control illegalities and prevent it from happening. Governments should take steps to improve their educational system in order to solve the problem of crime in the long run.
In recent decades, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate has been increasing over the world, causing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
public controversy. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that prison is the best way in dealing with offenders, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those who believe that providing better education for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more effective
overall
.

There are a number of reasons why prison sentences are not efficient when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to dealing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
acts.
First
, In order to provide food and shelters for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
, resources, such as money and land, are of importance. If the authority
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these resources to create more jobs for citizens, there will be fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
cases as the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
break the law
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a living. Second, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that not all illegal activities can cause damage to other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For example
, an individual who steels a breed in a supermarket cannot harm anyone,
therefore
he should
be fined
instead
of
being imprisoned
.

Education for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
workable
solution to tackle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of evidence has indicated that almost offenders are lack of schooling when they
Use third-person plural verb with 'they': "are", "were".
was
young.
For instance
, by providing courses about the laws for everyone, regardless of their social status, the public awareness on this issue would
be raised
, helping them avoid becoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
.
In addition
, offering training courses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
prisoners to find a job more
easily
when they
are released
. By having a profession, ex-criminals would not cross the line again, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate.

In conclusion
, equipping knowledge for citizens is a more practical measure to control illegalities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
it from happening.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
should take steps to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their educational system in order to solve the problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in the long run.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay What do you consider the most important characteristic in a teacher? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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