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Do you agree or disagree: The way people dressed is a good indication of his or her personality or character. v.1

: The way people dressed is a good indication of his or her personality or character. v. 1
The recent years have experienced vigorous growth in terms of technology and transportation, which enables everyone to work and settle down in any part of the world without the concerns related to geographic distance. This trend, to a certain extent, would provide multiple plus points; however, it also leads to several undeniable drawbacks for people. On the one hand, it is obvious that the advancements in communication and transportation offer specific perks. First and foremost, it seems to be an opportunity for people to see other parts of the world. For instance, people from the West usually go to work in Asian countries. This enriches many people's lives through getting to learn about traditions, cultures, languages and different ways of working in their own country. Moreover, one of the outstanding aspects of these developments is accessibility. People overcome the physical distance and are able to connect with others instantly at their fingertips. For example, recently, a dangerous influenza epidemic occurred in Hanoi, which is called Covid 19, the government must take action to prevent infection as stopping the activities of organizations (schools, universities, offices, …). The work and study schedule was continued as a plan based on the supports of communication technology. In spite of the significant advantages, it also can bring disadvantages to people in some ways. One of the most prominent drawbacks of this trend is the dependence on automation. In terms of working online, it is impossible to work effectively without internet connection and technological equipment as computer, laptop, cell phone. The disruption of connection or some problems with devices would directly impact on the performance. Additionally, another possible disadvantage is that family ties weaken when individuals go to work abroad. It is obvious that people will only have three or four times a year to physically meet family members. In conclusion, with the developments of technology and transportations, there is a plus point of people regarding the opportunity to experience new things and accessibility. Nonetheless, the downside would emerge consequently in terms of dependence on the internet and negative influences on family life.
The recent years have experienced vigorous growth in terms of technology and transportation, which enables everyone to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and settle down in any part of the world without the concerns related to geographic distance. This trend, to a certain extent, would provide multiple plus points;
however
, it
also
leads to several undeniable drawbacks for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the one hand, it is obvious that the advancements in communication and transportation offer specific perks.
First
and foremost, it seems to be an opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
other parts of the world.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from the West
usually
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in Asian countries. This enriches
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
through getting to learn about traditions, cultures, languages and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways of working in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country.
Moreover
, one of the outstanding aspects of these developments is accessibility.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
overcome the physical distance and are able to connect with others
instantly
at their fingertips.
For example
, recently, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
influenza epidemic occurred in Hanoi, which
is called
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
Covid 19
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take action to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
infection as stopping the activities of organizations (schools, universities, offices, …). The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and study schedule
was continued
as a plan based on the supports of communication technology.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
the significant advantages, it
also
can bring disadvantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways. One of the most prominent drawbacks of this trend is the dependence on automation. In terms of working online, it is impossible to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
effectively
without internet connection and technological equipment as computer, laptop, cell phone. The disruption of connection or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems with devices would
directly
impact on the performance.
Additionally
, another possible disadvantage is that family ties weaken when individuals go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
abroad. It is obvious that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have three or four times a year to
physically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
family members.

In conclusion
, with the developments of technology and transportations, there is a plus point of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
regarding the opportunity to experience new things and accessibility. Nonetheless, the downside would emerge
consequently
in terms of dependence on the internet and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influences on family life.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay : The way people dressed is a good indication of his or her personality or character. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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