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Task 2- Some people believe that it is better for small children to grow up in a small town. Others, however, believe that it's better for them to grow up in a big city. Which do you think is better? v.2

Task 2- Some people believe that it is better for small children to grow up in a small town. Others, however, believe that it's better for them to grow up in a big city. Which do you think is better? v. 2
Criminality is an extremely complex phenomenon with a range of causes. Prison and teaching are two suggested ways to tackle this issue. As well as offering my opinion, this essay will discuss the effectiveness of prison and reasons why some people prefer to provide education to alleviate crime. To begin with, sending criminals to jail appears to be effective in a short-term period. As a result, this weakens the chance of such lawbreakers doing harm to other citizens because they would be immediately isolated from society. For example, those extremely dangerous delinquents such as arm dealers and drug traffickers can use weapons and fatal disease injections to pose threat to others. Moreover, it is reasonably fair to related victims to witness suitable punishment of criminals, otherwise trust on the government and authorities will be certainly lost. Fortunately, heavy punishment would dissuade juveniles from becoming delinquents. There exist reasons making rehabilitation of these lawbreakers more effective when it comes to educational perspectives. In fact, those who violate social norms should receive further instruction to better acknowledge justice, thereby having impressive behaviors. In a recent survey conducted by Officially Anti-crime Organization, over 80 percent of former criminals who had already learned a trade and gained qualifications after releasing from custody can easily get adapted to society as helpful citizens. In this case, such changes in mental awareness will hinder processing of breeding future offenders. To conclude, this essay argued why educating former criminals is much more effective than putting them in prison although both all work. In my opinion, I completely agree with this proposition because education is the only way that can transform offenders into law-abiding citizens.
Criminality is an
extremely
complex phenomenon with a range of causes. Prison and teaching are two suggested ways to tackle this issue.
As well
as offering my opinion, this essay will discuss the effectiveness of prison and reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to provide education to alleviate crime.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, sending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
to jail appears to be effective in a short-term period.
As a result
, this weakens the chance of such lawbreakers doing harm to other citizens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they would be immediately isolated from society.
For example
, those
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
delinquents such as arm dealers and drug traffickers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
weapons and fatal disease injections to pose threat to others.
Moreover
, it is
reasonably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
to related victims to witness suitable punishment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
,
otherwise
trust on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and authorities will be
certainly
lost.
Fortunately
, heavy punishment would dissuade juveniles from becoming delinquents.

There exist reasons making rehabilitation of these lawbreakers more effective when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to educational perspectives. In fact, those who violate social norms should receive
further
instruction to better acknowledge justice, thereby having impressive behaviors. In a recent survey conducted by
Officially
Anti-crime Organization, over 80 percent of former
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
who had already learned a trade and gained qualifications after releasing from custody can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
adapted to society as helpful citizens.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
this case, such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in mental awareness will hinder processing of breeding future offenders.

To conclude
, this essay argued why educating former
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
is much more effective than putting them in prison although both all work. In my opinion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this proposition
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
education is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way that can transform offenders into law-abiding citizens.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Task 2- Some people believe that it is better for small children to grow up in a small town. Others, however, believe that it's better for them to grow up in a big city. Which do you think is better? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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