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TPO2 #2- Some college students choose to take courses in a variety subject area in order to get a broad education. Others choose to focus on in order to have a deeper understanding of that area. Which approach to course selection do you think is better fo v.1

TPO2 #2- Some college students choose to take courses in a variety subject area in order to get a broad education. Others choose to focus on in order to have a deeper understanding of that area. Which approach to course selection do you think is better fo v. 1
Wisdom has always been passed down to us from older generations in the form of guidance. However, there is a considerable amount of debate on whether or not young people should follow their elders’ advice without objection. In this essay, I will elaborate on both sides of the argument, before justifying my own opinion on the statement. One of the most valuable things youngsters can receive from their older counterparts is their advice. Developments in the fields of science and technology have only been possible because of the strong intellectual foundation that was built by our ancestors. For instance, prehistoric man taught his children how to hunt, who in turn taught their children that friction produces fire, and so on. Therefore, the human race is what it is today only due to the continuous accumulation of our collective knowledge. It is evident that younger people are more impressionable, and it is quite possible that they are influenced by certain attractive but undesirable personality traits. So, it is absolutely essential for them to have an elder with more life experience to make sure that they are on the right path. For example, teens today experience a staggering amount of peer pressure and bullying, especially online. These incidents cannot be handled by them alone, and parental advice as support is definitely required. Hence, the guidance of our elders is invaluable. However, there are certain circumstances where it is not possible for youth to blindly follow the suggestions of older people. This is especially true while making important decisions related to education or career. During these situations, it is vital that they consider their own personalities and passions, rather than listen to others who may have contradicting views. Another important factor to consider is the vast degree to which certain practices and fields have changed. For example, if a young adult received advice from their parents about popular culture, social media or technological advancements, it would not be sound advice, because older people are not as experienced in these areas as those who are younger. So, it is not advisable for them to consider the opinions of those who do not have expertise in these fields. In conclusion, it is my opinion that while it is important to look up to our elders, their advice can be supportive in broader contexts, such as those regarding day-to-day practices, ethics and morality. However, it is vital for youngsters to formulate their own opinions, instead of following their elders without question. If this were the case, there would be no diversity in our thoughts or progression in our activities.
Wisdom has always
been passed
down to us from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
generations in the form of guidance.
However
, there is a considerable amount of debate on
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should follow their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
without objection. In this essay, I will elaborate on both sides of the argument,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
justifying my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
on the statement.

One of the most valuable things youngsters can receive from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
counterparts is their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
. Developments in the fields of science and technology have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
been possible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the strong intellectual foundation that
was built
by our ancestors.
For instance
, prehistoric
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
taught his children how to hunt,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
in turn taught their children that friction produces fire, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Therefore
, the human race is what it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
due to the continuous accumulation of our collective knowledge. It is evident that younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more impressionable, and it is quite possible that they
are influenced
by certain attractive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
undesirable personality traits.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is
absolutely
essential for them to have an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
with more life experience to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that they are on the right path.
For example
, teens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
experience a staggering amount of peer pressure and bullying,
especially
online. These incidents cannot
be handled
by them alone, and parental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
as support is definitely required.
Hence
, the guidance of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
is invaluable.

However
, there are certain circumstances where it is not possible for youth to
blindly
follow the suggestions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This is
especially
true while making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
decisions related to education or career. During these situations, it is vital that they consider their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
personalities and passions,
rather
than listen to others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
may have contradicting views. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor to consider is the vast degree to which certain practices and fields have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
.
For example
, if a young adult received
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
from their parents about popular culture, social media or technological advancements, it would not be sound
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not as experienced in these areas as those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are younger.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is not advisable for them to consider the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinions
of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not have expertise in these fields.

In conclusion
, it is my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
that while it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to look up to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
can be supportive in broader contexts, such as those regarding day-to-day practices, ethics and morality.
However
, it is vital for youngsters to formulate their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinions
,
instead
of following their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
without question. If this were the case, there would be no diversity in our thoughts or progression in our activities.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO2 #2- Some college students choose to take courses in a variety subject area in order to get a broad education. Others choose to focus on in order to have a deeper understanding of that area. Which approach to course selection do you think is better fo v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
433 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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