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Task1---Your friend has suddenly received a lot of funding. What do you think is the best way for your friend to spend this money? Please include reasons and details to support your response. v.1

Task1---Your friend has suddenly received a lot of funding. What do you think is the best way for your friend to spend this money? Please include reasons and details to support your response. v. 1
Recently, the extent of the environmental problems we are facing has become so vast, that major policy changes are required on a global level. Several people believe that one of the most feasible solutions to these problems, is to increase fuel prices for vehicles. I personally disagree with this idea, and in this essay, I will elaborate on the possible hindrances that it could cause to the general population of a country. Effluents released by the combustion of fuel in automobiles is definitely one of the leading causes of air pollution. Often, the degree of damage done to the environment is so extensive, that it is either difficult or impossible to breathe with ease. This is especially true in large cities having a high population density, where innumerable vehicles hit the roads on a daily basis. However, increasing fuel prices would definitely not aid in solving the problem at hand in a way that benefits the public, especially in developing or underdeveloped countries. For example, in a developing country like India, the average per capita income is far below the poverty line. In this case, increasing petrol and diesel rates would make the commodity entirely inaccessible to the common man. Furthermore, this would lead to an increase in fares in public transport, thereby discouraging the public from using the service. An overall hike would be seen in the price of goods, due to the increase in their transportation costs, and low-income houses would face serious difficulties to make ends meet. Secondly, let us look at the adversities faced by countries where the constant rise of petrol prices is a pressing issue, by considering India as an example. The inflation of oil prices was a major cause of public outrage, as citizens claimed that the tax being placed on the product was excessive, while the government claimed it was essential. Hence, it is clear that though increasing gas prices seems like an airtight solution on paper, it would inevitably cause numerous difficulties in the lives of the public. Therefore, we must first consider educating people on the processes of car-pooling and the benefits it could have to both the environment, as well as their savings. Another possible answer could be the odd/even method, wherein citizens must alternate between using private transport and public facilities. In conclusion, even though this method might bring about the desired result, it would give rise to several other issues. Therefore, I strongly believe that while the proposed solution might seem obvious, it is not possible to implement this on a global scale without putting the middle and lower classes under serious strain.
Recently, the extent of the environmental problems we are facing has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
vast, that major policy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
are required
on a global level. Several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that one of the most feasible solutions to these problems, is to increase fuel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
for vehicles. I
personally
disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, and in this essay, I will elaborate on the possible hindrances that it could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
to the general population of a country.

Effluents released by the combustion of fuel in automobiles is definitely one of the leading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
of air pollution.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Often
, the degree of damage done to the environment is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
extensive, that it is either difficult or impossible to breathe with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
. This is
especially
true in large cities having a high population density, where innumerable vehicles hit the roads on a daily basis.
However
, increasing fuel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
would definitely not aid in solving the problem at hand in a way that benefits the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
,
especially
in developing or underdeveloped countries.
For example
, in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing country
like India, the average per capita income is far below the poverty line.
In this case
, increasing petrol and diesel rates would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the commodity
entirely
inaccessible to the common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
.
Furthermore
, this would lead to an increase in fares in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport, thereby discouraging the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
from using the service. An
overall
hike would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, due to the increase in their transportation costs, and low-income
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
would face serious difficulties to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us look at the adversities faced by countries where the constant rise of petrol
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
is a pressing issue, by considering India as an example. The inflation of oil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
was a major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
outrage, as citizens claimed that the tax
being placed
on the product was excessive, while the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
claimed it was essential.
Hence
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that though increasing gas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
seems like an airtight solution on paper, it would
inevitably
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
numerous difficulties in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
.
Therefore
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
first
consider educating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
on the processes of car-pooling and the benefits it could
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
both the environment,
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
their savings. Another possible answer could be the odd/even method, wherein citizens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
alternate between using private transport and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
facilities.

In conclusion
,
even though
this method might bring about the desired result, it would give rise to several other issues.
Therefore
, I
strongly
believe that while the proposed solution might seem obvious, it is not possible to implement this on a global scale without putting the middle and lower classes under serious strain.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Task1---Your friend has suddenly received a lot of funding. What do you think is the best way for your friend to spend this money? Please include reasons and details to support your response. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
436 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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