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TPO32 #2 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Children should receive money for doing household tasks such as cleaning. Use specific examples and details to support your opinion. v.1

TPO32 #2 Children should receive money for doing household tasks such as cleaning. Use specific examples and details to support your opinion. v. 1
The tourism industry is one which has expanded extensively during recent times, as more people are inclined towards exploring the world. This surge has provided a vital opportunity for developing countries to improve their tourism sectors. This essay aims to shed light on the reasons behind this development, before discussing whether it is positive or not. First, let us take a look at the possible motives behind the expansion of the travel industry in developing nations. Since these countries are still developing, the primary reason for this could be to augment their revenue. For instance, in Northern India, cities with varied heritage have established tourist circuits, which are known to be frequented by thousands of people every day, and this has opened up a number of job opportunities for the natives. In addition to a significant profit, these advancements have also ensured the maintenance of monuments and heritage buildings by the government, and instilled a sense of pride in the general public towards their culture. Secondly, it is evident that this change is a positive one, as it has a substantial impact on several sectors, including hospitality. The money made through these advancements could be used to improve living conditions and healthcare. It has significantly increased efforts in the preservation and conservation of natural resources. For example, countries with forest reserves put extensive efforts into converting them into wildlife sanctuaries, which would ensure that the native species thrive in addition to being a source of income. As far as disadvantages like overcrowding and pollution go, mitigation methods could be taken by policy makers to ensure that the condition of living is not harmed. In conclusion, it is my belief that the expansion of the tourism sector is one that has numerous advantages to the economic well-being of developing countries. If the balance between public welfare and revenue collection is properly maintained, this change could prove monumental and possibly be their bridge to development.
The tourism industry is one which has expanded
extensively
during recent times, as more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are inclined
towards exploring the world. This surge has provided a vital opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their tourism sectors. This essay aims to shed light on the reasons behind this development,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
discussing whether it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or not.

First
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us take a look at the possible motives behind the expansion of the travel industry in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
nations. Since these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
, the primary reason for this could be to augment their revenue.
For instance
, in Northern India, cities with varied heritage have established tourist circuits, which
are known
to
be frequented
by thousands of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
every day, and this has opened up a number of job opportunities for the natives.
In addition
to a significant profit, these advancements have
also
ensured the maintenance of monuments and heritage buildings by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, and instilled a sense of pride in the
Consider using "public".
general public
towards their culture.

Secondly
, it is evident that this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
one, as it has a substantial impact on several sectors, including hospitality. The money made through these advancements could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
living conditions and healthcare. It has
significantly
increased efforts in the preservation and conservation of natural resources.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with forest reserves put extensive efforts into converting them into wildlife sanctuaries, which would ensure that the native species thrive
in addition
to being a source of income. As far as disadvantages like overcrowding and pollution go, mitigation methods could
be taken
by
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
policy makers
to ensure that the condition of living is not harmed.

In conclusion
, it is my belief that the expansion of the tourism sector is one that has numerous advantages to the economic well-being of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. If the balance between public welfare and revenue collection is
properly
maintained, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
could prove monumental and
possibly
be their bridge to development.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay TPO32 #2 Children should receive money for doing household tasks such as cleaning. Use specific examples and details to support your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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