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TPO8 #2- Some people enjoy taking risks and trying new things. Others are not adventurous; they are cautious and prefer to avoid danger. Which behavior do you think is better? Explain why. v.1

TPO8 #2- Some people enjoy taking risks and trying new things. Others are not adventurous; they are cautious and prefer to avoid danger. Which behavior do you think is better? Explain why. v. 1
Although others choose to work on school projects independently, some are still choosing to get the job done with group-mates. In my view, doing these projects with a group is more appealing as it can benefit the young people in the future. On the one hand, school projects done in groupings can be beneficial to young students as it can enhance their abilities as mature individuals in the future and I agree. This is because working in group allows the pupils to deal with different people and circumstances. People are known to be unique and so, if grouped together, can have more opportunities to learn communication and solve problems in a group setting. In addition to this, they can also learn cooperation at a young age; a value that they need to acquire as early as possible as they enter various workforces and groups later in life. On the other hand, some opt to work with school projects alone because it greatly benefits them. One of the advantages of working independently is that problems can be solved quickly as a person would know the project in depth. This could do the work fast and ensure that deadlines and criteria are met for a certain project. Another benefit that could be generated from working on school projects alone is the avoidance of having to deal with different ideas. In this case, students can avoid prolonged working hours for the project due to arguing which thoughts should be prioritized, thus assisting them to get higher scores. To conclude, opting to do school projects with a group is a better option as it can help in the development of students into mature individuals, prepared for their careers.
Although others choose to work on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
projects
independently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are
still
choosing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the job done with group-mates. In my view, doing these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
projects
with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
is more appealing as it can benefit the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the future.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
projects
done in groupings can be beneficial to young students as it can enhance their abilities as mature individuals in the future and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the pupils to deal with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and circumstances.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are known
to be unique and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, if grouped together, can have more opportunities to learn communication and solve problems in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
setting.
In addition
to this, they can
also
learn cooperation at a young age; a value that they need to acquire as early as possible as they enter various
Possible spelling mistake found.
workforces
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
later in life.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
opt to work with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
projects
alone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
greatly
benefits them. One of the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
independently
is that problems can
be solved
quickly
as a person would know the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
project
in depth. This could do the work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and ensure that deadlines and criteria
are met
for a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
project
. Another benefit that could
be generated
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
projects
alone is the avoidance of having to deal with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.
In this case
, students can avoid prolonged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
project
due to arguing which thoughts should
be prioritized
,
thus
assisting them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher scores.

To conclude
, opting to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
projects
with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
is a better option as it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in the development of students into mature individuals, prepared for their careers.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay TPO8 #2- Some people enjoy taking risks and trying new things. Others are not adventurous; they are cautious and prefer to avoid danger. Which behavior do you think is better? Explain why. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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