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TPO8-Q2: Some people enjoy taking risks and trying new things. Others are not adventurous; they are cautious and prefer to avoid danger. Which behavior do you think is better? Explain why. v.1

TPO8-Q2: Some people enjoy taking risks and trying new things. Others are not adventurous; they are cautious and prefer to avoid danger. Which behavior do you think is better? Explain why. v. 1
It is sometimes argued that news channels should concentrate on reporting more good news than bad news. While it may be beneficial to publish good news, it is also essential for individuals to be aware of the unfortunate happenings around them. Both sides will be analysed in this essay. On the one hand, the media should focus on publishing good stories because doing so may boost the morale of the public. When people are aware of positive happenings around them, especially if those events are linked to them, they are better able to maintain a good mental state. For example, King David, who was the first leukemia survivor in Nigeria, reported how his hope of surviving was kept alive after he read about a newly discovered chemotherapy regimen in Vanguard newspaper. As this example shows, the media have an indispensable role to play in maintaining a mentally stable community by publishing motivating news. Although tragic news such as civil wars, natural disasters and terrorist attacks are disheartening, it would be misguided to introduce restrictions on reporting them. This is because the awareness of these events can motivate the public to solve these global problems. For instance, in Nigeria, since the media started reporting bad news regarding the effects of global warming in different parts of the world, Nigerians have become more proactive about their individual efforts in reducing global warming, such as using public transport and reducing air trips per year. This will have been impossible if people are unaware of contemporary issues. Hence, bad news needs to be reported to facilitate harnessing concerted efforts to solve problems. In conclusion, while awareness of cheerful news is good for one’s mental health, it should not be published at the expense of tragic reports. It is hoped that media agencies learn to regard both equally.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
channels should concentrate on reporting more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
. While it may be beneficial to publish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
, it is
also
essential for individuals to be aware of the unfortunate happenings around them. Both sides will be
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
in this essay.

On the one hand, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
should focus on publishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
stories
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
may boost the morale of the public. When
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are aware of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
happenings around them,
especially
if those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
are linked
to them, they are better able to maintain a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
mental state.
For example
, King David, who was the
first
leukemia survivor in Nigeria, reported how his hope of surviving was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
alive after he read about a
newly
discovered chemotherapy regimen in Vanguard newspaper. As this example
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
have an indispensable role to play in maintaining a mentally stable community by publishing motivating news.

Although tragic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
such as civil wars, natural disasters and terrorist attacks are disheartening, it would
be misguided
to introduce restrictions on reporting them. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the awareness of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
can motivate the public to solve these global problems.
For instance
, in Nigeria, since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
reporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
regarding the effects of global warming in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the world, Nigerians have become more proactive about their individual efforts in reducing global warming, such as using public transport and reducing air trips per year. This will have been impossible if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are unaware of contemporary issues.
Hence
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
needs to
be reported
to facilitate harnessing concerted efforts to solve problems.

In conclusion
, while awareness of cheerful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
for one’s mental health, it should not
be published
at the expense of tragic reports. It
is hoped
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
agencies learn to regard both
equally
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO8-Q2: Some people enjoy taking risks and trying new things. Others are not adventurous; they are cautious and prefer to avoid danger. Which behavior do you think is better? Explain why. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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