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Some people enjoy taking risks and trying new things. Others are not adventurous: they are cautious and prefer to avoid danger. Which behavior do you think is better? Explain why。 v.1

Some people enjoy taking risks and trying new things. Others are not adventurous: they are cautious and prefer to avoid danger. Which behavior do you think is better? Explain why。 v. 1
It is true that common languages, such as English and Chinese, have the potential to become a global language. Although some linguists argue that speaking the same language could bring other minority languages to the verge of dying out, I contend that this trend is a positive development overall. There are a number of benefits to the world's economy by using the same language. First, in order to process financial transactions between countries, communications between people from different geographical backgrounds are of importance. If one language become a universal language, language barriers will be removed, thereby facilitating international integration. Second, by using an international language, learners would have access to a wealth of knowledge written by such language. As a result, there will be a better intellectual workforce in the future, ensuring the sustainable long-term growth of nations' economy. There are also a variety of beneficial impacts of a predominant language on society and culture. Primarily, this might help preserve cultural elements, especially intangible ones. For instance, if a traditionalist writes blogs about traditional stories in his country on the Internet in English, there will be more people in other nations knowing about the history and culture of his country. In addition, speaking the same language benefits society. For example, with the use of a universal dialect that is conducive to mutual understandings, immigrants can avoid unnecessary fights with local people and easily adapt to a new living environment, which build a peaceful society. In conclusion, the trend of using one language to communicate over the world is the positive development. This benefits not only the country's economy, but also societies as well.
It is true that common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
, such as English and Chinese, have the potential to become a global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
linguists argue that speaking the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
could bring other minority
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
to the verge of dying out, I contend that this trend is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development
overall
.

There are a number of benefits to the world's economy by using the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
First
, in order to process financial transactions between countries, communications between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
geographical backgrounds are of importance. If one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
become a universal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
barriers will
be removed
, thereby facilitating international integration. Second, by using an international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
, learners would have access to a wealth of knowledge written by such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
As a result
, there will be a better intellectual workforce in the future, ensuring the sustainable long-term growth of nations' economy.

There are
also
a variety of beneficial impacts of a predominant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
on society and culture.
Primarily
, this might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
preserve cultural elements,
especially
intangible ones.
For instance
, if a traditionalist writes blogs about traditional stories in his country on the Internet in English, there will be more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in other nations knowing about the history and culture of his country.
In addition
, speaking the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
benefits society.
For example
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of a universal dialect
that is
conducive to mutual understandings, immigrants can avoid unnecessary fights with local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
easily
adapt to a new living environment, which build a peaceful society.

In conclusion
, the trend of using one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
to communicate over the world is the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development. This benefits not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the country's economy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
societies
as well
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people enjoy taking risks and trying new things. Others are not adventurous: they are cautious and prefer to avoid danger. Which behavior do you think is better? Explain why。 v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Some people enjoy taking risks and trying new things. Others are not adventurous: they are cautious and prefer to avoid danger. Which behavior do you think is better? Explain why。 v.1